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23/02/2014 at 18:02

' I don't mind long answers, but I really hate long questions, and I often just move on to the next after a couple of rambling lines, 'Get tot he point or I walk'. I get enough of those at work, at least I can butt in there though. '

 

Trouble is Jim, we tend to get quite a few posts here where the problem is too subtle or too complicated for a two-line question. Then we have to post back to find out the details of the problem before we can offer useful advice.

24/02/2014 at 11:18

Oh, By the way, sorry Duncan this is in no way a reflection on your question, it just happens to be on your thread so, again sorry for that. I appreciate that Joe, and I don't think I was laying down any rules, as if I could.  nor was I being very serious, hence all the 's  

What I meant was  this kind of thing.

Well, we've got a really long drive that goes all the way around the house which my mother in law says would be more suited to Downton Abbey than our three bedroom Bungalow in Surrey. My neighbour has a wonderful Worcester Pearmain apple tree that casts a lovely shade over the gravel that seems to dance in the wind making it look like a hundred fairies are throwing a ball just for me.

Well, the garden is about three times longer than the drive is wide and we buy eggs every Wednesday from Lidle because there cheaper than Sainsbury's. Well, when I was in Sainsbury's the week before last or was it two weeks last Tuesday. Well, I got chatting to the lady on the checkout who told me there was a great sale on in Homebase, you should pop over there when you've finished and see what they've got.

So, when I finished paying I wished the checkout girl a Happy Easter and went over to Homebase. On the way I popped into the B&Q where they had a sale on tomato plants. Next to the tomatoes was a big stand of Chilli plants. Does anyone know if they'll be okay next the willow tree?

That's what I'm talking about Joe. But I really wasn't very serious. I just don't read those questions so they don't get an answer from me, they're probably not bothered either or any the wiser, I was just giving my thoughts. No pressure to comply with them. That's all. Did you get here? Well done.  

24/02/2014 at 11:30

Nicely rambled Jim.

I agree, as I get older it takes more effort to pick the question out of the mire. Sometimes I can't find it so I don't answer it,

 

24/02/2014 at 12:56
nutcutlet wrote (see)

Nicely rambled Jim.

I agree, as I get older it takes more effort to pick the question out of the mire. Sometimes I can't find it so I don't answer it,

 

Like me at work. When I've drifted off and missed the point I just repeat a little bit. 'So, you want to…" They always, gladly, repeat it all.

24/02/2014 at 17:27

Could you talk to your Citizens Advice Bureau and or the police about anti-social behaviour.   

24/02/2014 at 17:57
Anniemarshy wrote (see)

Could you talk to your Citizens Advice Bureau and or the police about anti-social behaviour.   

I've tried but I can't stop them phoning.

24/02/2014 at 18:05

Verd - that was very naughty....mother in law indeed...

It's the white I want Jim because I don't like the colour of the others  Salmony- pinky- orange is a no no for me!

Good luck Duncan. The biggest advantage of Pyracanthas is the wildlife it brings in. In fact, with a bit of luck there'll be loads of bees....that'll keep the little cherubs at bay!

24/02/2014 at 18:09

My Kiftsgate rose is unstoppable - throws out long wands and grows a mile a minute.  The flowers are held in huge lemon-scented clusters, and it is the most violent rose I know.  Pruning makes it grow even longer and stronger.  Or the old-fashioned American Pillar Rose has equally unpleasant thorns - the sort that reach out to grab you when you're not looking.  I suppose you'd need to tie them in to uprights, but nobody in their right mind would think of trying to walk through or even near to these.

As far as anti-social behaviour is concerned, the police have no powers to do anything other than knock on the offenders door and ask them politely not to do it again.  A solicitor could bring an injunction...  not a happy place to be.

 

24/02/2014 at 19:59

That's the problem ggranny. The police rarely bother anyway, and will do nothing unless there's damage. If you call in lawyers it all gets messy and you just risk retaliation. It's a very sad state we have nowadays when so many people just can't behave in a considerate way, and law abiding decent ones feel helpless  

24/02/2014 at 20:44

Citizens advice are useless in my area, the police won't get involved unless I give next door a (much needed) good kicking.

I have come up with what I think is quite a good idea. Difficult to explain without pics and I can't figure it out using my phone.
 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/281162610234?_trksid=p2055120.m1438.l2649&ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT this what I'm now looking at for in front of my shed to block off another route into my garden, how easy would it be to keep it to around the 6ft height it comes in??

25/02/2014 at 01:07

What a terrible tale of woe, and not uncommon on this forum, methinks. I have suffered bad neighbours in the past, but more to do with late karaoke parties full of drunks and bad Neil Diamond impressions at 4am.

We then, in calmer daylight hours, sorted a pact and a warning system. If it was too loud, I would bang on the wall and he would turn it down. We became almost friendly, and I got some sleep!

These days, I live in a small hamlet with 4 adjoining neighbours and another close one, all around my back garden.  All lovely people. As are the further ones. My young boys are the only kids, other than a wee girl 2 doors down and older kids much further along.

We have other children to play often, and all are read the riot act. Not too much noise, If balls or toys go over the fence, they are lost. (not really, as they are allowed to retrieve them from 4 gardens except in the middle back to which there is a large and spiny hedge) For this garden, they must either go around to ask for the ball back (and the lady of the house is profoundly deaf, so they don't bother any more) or wait until it is thrown back over, which the neighbour does obligingly do, once he sees it. However, his dogs may have seen it first! This has taught my boys to be much more careful of their toys, and I have no problem with this. They have a play area, and know, in no uncertain terms, that boisterous play must be kept there or on the lawn, and away from the very dangerous greenhouse. Any small accidental damage of veg or plants is not looked upon too harshly.  My closest neighbours spoil them rotten (and the dog!) and allow them to play in their gardens, too.

Anyway, I know from this site that I have been very lucky in my neighbours all of my life, even when moved to emergency housing in a very bad area, where everyone hated everyone else, we got on ok. Maybe I'm a soft touch, or something, but there is always a way around any problem if you look hard enough. I have never found anyone to be completely unreasonable except the odd hardened drug addict. Perhaps you need to find a soft point? Or offer some small amount of help in some way? In the bad place, I offered to cut the whole of the communal lawn, not just my bit, as it suited me for the kids and I hated seeing it a mess with some bits cut and others not. They thought I was weird, but they were nice to my face at least.

You could try to bore the kids to death. If they want their toy, they have to see the damage they have done, and listen whist you explain how long it took to grow that plant they killed, or insist that they help you to repair the greenhouse. They'll either get bored or interested, either way, they'll get more careful. Or, If you have to hand over balls, pop them with a needle first. If every toy goes back damaged, they will learn. The ball landed in the roses, etc. Whilst they don't care about damaging your property, they will care if their own is damaged whilst on your property. Take up golf, and practice in the direction of their house. No Sorry, that kind of tit for tat should not be encouraged

Anyway, direct confrontation almost never works. one big stick invites a bigger stick. Use stealth and be friendly, however annoyed you feel. It is the best way of disarming people and getting issues resolved. Also use big thorny hedges! That'll keep the wee nasty gobshites out! And any rubbish they throw into your garden, either throw back, or put into a bag and politely place on thier doorstep. If they want their belongings back, let them have them all! Throw the bag over with the toys if diplomacy doesn't work.

Hope you get sorted, and I wish everyone could have the neighbours I have. I know I'm a very lucky girl.

25/02/2014 at 20:49

I always go to sleep at Downton Abbey, Jim

27/02/2014 at 10:16

I hadn't realised how common this problem is!

You're right that confrontation and tit-for-tat don't work, and involving the police seems to escalate the problem as neighbours don't like being told off and simply retal;iate with more vigour.

I think tall prickly plants it the best solution, and still favour very prickly rambling roses which can be grown along the fence.

 

27/02/2014 at 10:58

My large Agave Americana variegata immediately burst the 2 neighbours balls that came over the fence last summer. No more balls have come over.

I also have a large driveway (shared) that a lot of other neighbours use to turn. Very annoying, esp in winter as the headlights can blare in even from a distance.

27/02/2014 at 14:21

Sorry Joe, did you say something I nodded off?  

Blairs I know what you mean, verry occasionally I got people using our drive to turn round in! Why I don't know, and it always kicks off the dogs. I wouldn't mind, we're in the middle of the lane and it's not a shared drive even. Really annoying if I'm waiting for my partner to come home too. The amount of times, I've jumped up and taken dinner out of the oven, only to have to put it back in!!!, then just as I've got it all back in, I have to take it out again!!!.  I'll do sandwiches from now on!

27/02/2014 at 14:56

Gardenning Granny, neighbours made it quite clear that NOTHING can touch HIS fence.

 

I have all 3 lots (30 plants) of Pyracantha now and a Quince tree and Quince bush.

Cant do anything till his fence goes up, then its full steam ahead

Got some wooden stakes too, I'm going to put wire connecting each stake so that the plants can grow against them, Unfortunately due to not being rich, I might have to use some old Barbed wire I found in my shed

27/02/2014 at 16:33

Duncan Blackwell I feel your pain (and bubbling annoyance).  It was nice for me to sit and read your thread and know we aren't alone as we have had similar and worse problems with our neighbours since they cut down our boundary hedge one day whilst we were at work.

We live in a mid terrace and both sides have had a vendetta against us since the day we moved in almost 5 years ago, the sad thing is we only bought the house for the garden but over time they have vandalised our property and threatened the OH on our own doorstep!

You are so right, the powers that be do nothing and the situation escalates if you get them involved.

Good luck with your project, I hope it gives you peace in your garden and gives them something to think about. Let us know how it goes, I for one will be watching with interest.

 

Blairs - now looking up agave to see if I have the right conditions and knowledge

27/02/2014 at 18:51
Duncan Blackwell wrote (see)

Gardenning Granny, neighbours made it quite clear that NOTHING can touch HIS fence.

 

My response would have been, Well you shouldn't have put half of it facing my garden then! Is he going to come around and paint it when it needs it?

27/02/2014 at 19:06

Lisa- it breaks my heart to hear of the issues you have with neighbours. Like Duncan's thoughtless, inconsiderate and ignorant ones, it becomes so difficult to deal with because if you stand up to them it can end in retaliation. There's no support for decent people who are just trying to live their lives in peace and quiet. I'm fortunate that the ones I have issues with aren't immediate neighbours, but it makes me feel quite insecure at times.

Duncan - it's great to recycle isn't it? That wire will make a lovely support for all your lovely plants...

27/02/2014 at 19:11

Jim, this is where half the argument comes from, I mentioned a couple of years back that the concrete posts were crumbling. He replied with a few choice words and blamed me for it, as I hadn't painted his fence. The panels are the lift out sort, so I told him...... your fence, you paint 'em. You don't decorate my house for me !!!

 

The fact that painting the fence would not have cured the concrete cancer anyway is irrelevant.

The best is yet to come though, although the back fences are lift out, the fence on the front is 8ft and all in one, on top of his garden wall which is crumbling away. The only way he can do anything to that, which is in desperate need, is from my property. He says when his back fence is done we don't have to have anything to do with each other........SWEET......I don't have to be pleasant and let him onto my property pmsl

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