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Look, fixed electrical socket, helped someone with their paperwork with just a cuppa for my trouble, planted hymenocalis bulbs, potted on several perennials, prepared an evening meal, answered 2 scam calls with sarcasm and eaten nothing but healthy foods today.  Ooooo, and tried out my new mower ....lovely 

I happened to close a bedroom wimdow and there it was.......






 a large bar of Cadburys Dairy Milk!  

It was just lying there.  The label featured a chocolate jug that looked delicious.  I succombed.  I withered.  I was weak. ,I opened it and took a piece.  Tried to wrap it back again but it looked silly.  I have now consumed the lot .  Had to ...couldnt leave the evidence.  Wrong was delicious .

now I will be in big trouble   

I don't care 

I do though 

is it fair?    A moment of weakness and we all have such times, don't we?  Doesn't make me a bad person!

darn it.....I have to get a replacement now don't I? 

Lucky it was only a bar of chocolate, it could have been worse!

Does the owner of the chocolate bar know your weakness Verdun ?  

If not, surely a sea gull or similar could have swooped and taken it just as easily ?

If they do know you well.......bit sticky..........overcome by a devil/alien or similar and you have no recollection whatsoever.  Best remember to wipe off any incriminating smears before you try that one tho

Your predicament made me laugh tho


#104 on top 500 poetsPoet's PagePoemsCommentsStatsE-BooksBiographyPoems by Michael Rosen : 1 / 3next poem »Chocolate Cake - Poem by Michael Rosen

I love chocolate cake.
And when I was a boy
I loved it even more.

Sometimes we used to have it for tea
and Mum used to say,
'If there's any left over
you can have it to take to school
tomorrow to have at playtime.'
And the next day I would take it to school
wrapped up in tin foil
open it up at playtime
and sit in the corner of the playground
eating it,
you know how the icing on top
is all shiny and it cracks as you
bite into it,
and there's that other kind of icing in
the middle
and it sticks to your hands and you
can lick your fingers
and lick your lips
oh it's lovely.

once we had this chocolate cake for tea
and later I went to bed
but while I was in bed
I found myself waking up
licking my lips
and smiling.
I woke up proper.
'The chocolate cake.'
It was the first thing
1 thought of.

I could almost see it
so I thought,
what if I go downstairs
and have a little nibble, yeah?

It was all dark
everyone was in bed
so it must have been really late
but I got out of bed,
crept out of the door

there's always a creaky floorboard, isn't there?

Past Mum and Dad's room,
careful not to tread on bits of broken toys
or bits of Lego
you know what it's like treading on Lego
with your bare feet,


into the kitchen
open the cupboard
and there it is
all shining.

So I take it out of the cupboard
put it on the table
and I see that
there's a few crumbs lying about on the plate,
so I lick my finger and run my finger all over the crumbs
scooping them up
and put them into my mouth.




< br>Then
I look again
and on one side where it's been cut,
it's all crumbly.

So I take a knife
I think I'll just tidy that up a bit,
cut off the crumbly bits
scoop them all up
and into the mouth

oooooommm mmmm

Look at the cake again.

That looks a bit funny now,
one side doesn't match the other
I'll just even it up a bit, eh?

Take the knife
and slice.
This time the knife makes a little cracky noise
as it goes through that hard icing on top.

A whole slice this time,

into the mouth.

Oh the icing on top
and the icing in the middle
ohhhhhh oooo mmmmmm.

But now
I can't stop myself
Knife -
1 just take any old slice at it
and I've got this great big chunk
and I'm cramming it in
what a greedy pig
but it's so nice,

and there's another
and another and I'm squealing and I'm smacking my lips
and I'm stuffing myself with it
before I know
I've eaten the lot.
The whole lot.

I look at the plate.
It's all gone.

Oh no
they're bound to notice, aren't they,
a whole chocolate cake doesn't just disappear
does it?

What shall 1 do?

I know. I'll wash the plate up,
and the knife

and put them away and maybe no one
will notice, eh?

So I do that
and creep creep creep
back to bed
into bed
doze off
licking my lips
with a lovely feeling in my belly.

In the morning I get up,
have breakfast,
Mum's saying,
'Have you got your dinner money?'
and I say,
'And don't forget to take some chocolate cake with you.'
I stopped breathing.

'What's the matter,' she says,
'you normally jump at chocolate cake?'

I'm still not breathing,
and she's looking at me very closely now.

She's looking at me just below my mouth.
'What's that?' she says.
'What's what?' I say.

'What's that there?'
'There,' she says, pointing at my chin.
'I don't know,' I say.
'It looks like chocolate,' she says.
'It's not chocolate is it?'
No answer.
'Is it?'
'I don't know.'
She goes to the cupboard
looks in, up, top, middle, bottom,
turns back to me.
'It's gone.
It's gone.
You haven't eaten it, have you?'
'I don't know.'
'You don't know. You don't know if you've eaten a whole
chocolate cake or not?
When? When did you eat it?'

So I told her,

and she said
well what could she say?
'That's the last time I give you any cake to take
to school.
Now go. Get out
no wait
not before you've washed your dirty sticky face.'
I went upstairs
looked in the mirror
and there it was,
just below my mouth,
a chocolate smudge.
The give-away.
Maybe she'll forget about it by next week. 

Michael Rosen


Verdun, it depends ! was it Fair trade chocolate if so it is fair, if it was produced by five year olds in Timbuctoo then you should be made to suffer, on second thoughts you may. What if knowing your light fingered habits it had been unwrapped and replaced with  exlax  the stomach upheaval would indeed cure you of purloining other peoples heavenly moment of which you have deprived them, you may yet find yourself ensconced on the big white throne wishing you had not succumbed to that moment of pure madness. My sentence would be seven Hail Mary's then made to eat all the hand holds  on seven Oggies including the dirty finger marks, you never know where those hands have been.

Which reminds me there is a big cream and jam Dough nut sitting in the kitchen, daughter left it I think by mistake, well hard luck I say as I will shortly be wiping cream off my face.

You little devil you Verdun.



Hope it wasn't the babies choc!

yuk, handle off the Oggie🙀 Do they make fair trade Oggies? 

Ha ha ........thanks for joining in the fun guys 

i have replaced it....£3 !  three  quid for a bar of chocolate 


It must have been a HUGE bar of chocolate!!! Do you not feel sick? Not through guilt but by consumption!

  What can I say?  

a morish eater so its in my genes!  

I dont often eat chocolate and usually eat healthily.  I yielded to temptation and then had to hide the evidence 

my lunch was mixed salad, raisins, almonds and humous though!  glass of gold top milk of course too! 


Theft like that around here is blamed on the blackbirds ........... the Under Gardener thinks I believe him 

Just like the song by Shaggy, just say "It wasn't me"

Sssh!  Nobody knows 

You have done such a naughty thing, naughty thing,

The local Constable is sure to ring, sure to ring

Then into that  Cell your body they fling they fling

You will hear those local lads all sing, lads all sing.

A policeman lot is not a happy one a happy one

A policeman job is never ever done ever done.

They are Cornish Police Verdun.


Frank, I am enjoying a rather nice rum and you have made me laugh so much.  Brilliant.  Soooooo funny   Who else but you can  write like that?  

Yes, I am a naughty boy....a very naughty boy 


To day a Policeman called, "are you Verdun" "err yes" Did you at an unspecified time yesterday purloin and masticate a large bar of Chocolate. Guilty as charged hoficer, you will accompany me and the armed response team to the nick in our very black Maria. On knees pleading, Hoficer it was only a small bar, "err well maybe this big" stretching arms out, but there were mitigating circumstances. "Oh what were they" well it was there looking inviting. That is no defence my Police woman Partner is standing here looking very inviting, are you going to eat her. Verdun do not put ideas in my head, Police woman simpers I mean Verdun keeps telling us he is handsome well so where some of Londons cabs.

Handcuffs applied, armed response unload weapons Policewoman takes Verdun in a very tight grip, one arm up his back and the other hand clutching his rear end in a not very loving grasp. "OOER hoficer is that your hand or your teeth I have heard of love bites but that it a bit heavy" shut your chocolate covered face and get in the van. Verdun disappears in a haze of black exhaust as they whip the horses into action and they do what horses do, hard luck on the driver up front and hard luck on Verdun locked in the back with Amorous Police woman.

Will he reach the lock up in one piece, will his eyes be shining or black, will the horse make it up the hill to Pendennis Castle or fall into Falmouth Bay. Tune in next week for the next exciting episode.


Blimey gone and dun it agin.   The tears are falling from my eyes.  brilliant 

Learnt it the hard way Verdun writing Patrol reports for the Unit War Diary. Left perimeter at 22:31, with Patrol of six men, no moon, set off for known infiltration track. One click out sudden attack from rear, gave order to take cover and ready weapons, discovered it was Private Blob yet again discharging weapon unintentionally. Threatened to bayonet him without entrance wound as I would use existing hole in his miserable body. Patrol now useless returned to perimeter, accidentally clobbered private Blob's earl with Butt of Rifle, nothing to report Sir or Cur depending on how mad I was.

You live and learn lad.



B3.   I loved your chocolate cake silliness.   Made me smile, then laugh.   It was so real.   it could have been about anyone of us 'naughty ones' on here.   Still smiling.