Start a new thread

1 to 20 of 613 replies

What did the nasty say to the other nasty? Erwigo. Sorry folks, that's MY best Can you beat that ?
Dovefromabove

Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled. 

 

Gardening Grandma

Why do melons habe big weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.  (Sorry)

Dovefromabove

Gardening requires a lot of water - most of it in the form of perspiration. 

marshmello

"What did the carrot say to the wheat? 
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."

 

Advertisement

Fairygirl
Gardening Grandma wrote (see)

Why do melons habe big weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.  (Sorry)

 

Mine is winning so far. Ha ha
Come on folks
There is prize of elbow grease for the best joke
artjak

To be sung to the tune of Frere Jacques;

'Life is but a, life is but a, melancholy flower, melancholy flower,

Life is butter melon, life is butter melon, cauliflower, cauliflower.'

Jess is in the Garden

Verdun, that is brilliant

There was a young farmer of Leeds,

Who swallowed six packets of seeds,

It soon came to pass

He was covered in grass

And he couldn't sit down for the weeds.

 

Not technically a joke...

 

Jess, now that was funny. Winning so far
Jess is in the Garden

my 5 yr old's favourite is:

why did the tomato blush?

because it saw the salad dressing!

 

aaaah!

Val40

Gardener to friend: ‘Do you know where I could get some slug pellets round here?’

Friend: ‘Have you tried Boots?’

Gardener: ‘ I want to poison them, not kick them to death.’

Advertisement

BobTheGardener
TinaTurner wrote (see)

Gardener to friend: ‘Do you know where I could get some slug pellets round here?’

Friend: ‘Have you tried Boots?’

Gardener: ‘ I want to poison them, not kick them to death.’

I bet that gardener wasn't our friend ManicSlugHunter who would probably prefer the boots!

Busy-Lizzie

A mother found her small child eating a slug. "Oh no" she said, trying to wipe the infant's mouth. Then she couldn't resist asking "what did it taste like?" "Worms" said the child.

Shadoweaver
I've got an ongoing problem with a mole! It keeps on giving out confidential information to other gardeners!
Val40

Think you're right there Bob.

BobTheGardener

A man walks into the doctors with a parsnip in one ear, a carrot in the other and his nostrils blocked with broadbeans.

"What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

"You need to eat more sensibly!"