25/09/2013 at 10:40

where do cats keep their money...

 

in their purr...se da tah!

25/09/2013 at 14:20

A purrfect joke I think gardeningfantic.....

25/09/2013 at 14:21

It's so annoying.  I want to water my lawn but it's raining    

25/09/2013 at 14:22

.......I'll get my coat, I think

25/09/2013 at 15:10

Is it cold enough for a coat in Cornwall, Verdun? It's 26° here, sunny.

26/09/2013 at 00:08

Never cold in Cornwall busy. 

26/09/2013 at 02:57

So you should, Verdun, needed or not! BL, you jammie so n so. Yesterday so warm and clammy but no sun, clothes wouldn't dry on line. Today, blowing a gale so they just tangle around it! 

I can't even think of a really bad joke, so I'll just go. Just had to say how jealous I am of your weather!

26/09/2013 at 09:04

Jeannie, you wouldn't be jealous of my weather in winter, Dordogne is often colder and wetter than England. Better get off here, I read everyon's jokes but I'm no good at telling them, so I'll get my very light, thin, cotton jacket!

26/09/2013 at 09:10

I used to be a gardener but I lost the plot. 

What did the dahlia say to the emerging bulb!   Hyacinth 

What did the spud say before leaving....tatty bye. 

What did..........no, I'll stop but I,could go on. (in a very stooooopd mood at mo   Ha ha)

26/09/2013 at 21:28

No, no, Verdun, Keep going!

26/09/2013 at 21:35
Don’t wash your hair in the shower

It’s so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!
INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT WARNING TO US ALL!!!

Shampoo Warning!
I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner!

I use shampoo in the shower!
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very
clearly on the shampoo label is this warning:
“FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME.”

No wonder I have been gaining weight!

Well! I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering
with Fairy dishwashing soap instead. Its label reads,
“DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.”
Problem solved!

27/09/2013 at 18:38

27/09/2013 at 18:45

That is a great one Ms Beehaven

 

27/09/2013 at 18:58

What's brown and sticky?   A stick.  

Whats  red, round and tasty?   A tomato.......well, wot did u expect?  

What veg is always cracking jokes?  A pun kin.

Look, it's hard to be inventive when my lovely old dog's resting his head on my knee pleading for a walk. 

27/09/2013 at 22:42

 mrs Bee! I'll be choosing my products more carefully now!

Verdun, tut tut!

28/09/2013 at 08:19

Just looked at my jokes again.  Sooooo funny.  It's the way I tell em ....

29/09/2013 at 13:14

Hi,

A friend of mine spent a fortune for a new landscaped garden, within a week there were molehills like mountains all over his new lawn. Confiding in a friend at the pub how hacked of he was at this problem the friend suggested he contact the local molecatcher, so he did. That saturday the molecatcher arrived and want into his garden, 30 minutes later said molecatcher knocks on his front door and says job done. My friend is so releived he pays the man double, just as the molecatcher is leaving my friend says "that mole has cost me a fortune, if i bung you a few more quid can you dispose of it the worst way you can thing of" sure can says the molecatcher, in the pub that night my friend runs into the molecatcher and enquires, i am curious to know how you disposed of that pesky mole. Oh that was easy says the molecatcher, i took him round the back and burried him alive.

29/09/2013 at 13:26

Pause for thought, if corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from.

no 2, If a man is in the garden and speaks, and their is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong.

No 3, The philosopher who said, work well done never needs doing over, never weeded a garden.

O K sorry.

29/09/2013 at 14:21

A small boy is helping his grandfather dig up potatoes. ‘What I want to know,’ he says, ‘is why you buried the damn things in the first place.’

29/09/2013 at 14:23

A little boy goes up to Old Ned the gardener and says, ‘What do you put on your rhubarb?’ ‘Well, usually rotted horse manure,’ replies Old Ned. ‘We have custard.’ says the little boy.