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I like a fag......us Cornishman generally do.   Nah! No way.  Would never smoke

Mr chippy

A man walked into a supermarket went to a woman and put his hands around her throat and said my name is Art give me 50p , next day he approached a man and put his hands around his throat and said my name is Art give me 50p,

headlines in the paper next morning read ,

Arty chokes two for a pound in Tesco's

chicky

Didn't mean to keep you in suspense Lily - just forgotten i had posted this.  the answer wasn't really worth waiting for ..... A beech tree.  Coat/door, here i come....

Nobody get my clue then?     Fag us ..beech.  ?  OK, I'll get my cost now 

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chicky

Theres a stampede for that door Verd - race you !

SwissSue

Why are husbands like lawn mowers? 
They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.  

Dovefromabove

Even a worm will turn ............ 

Dovefromabove

Anyone know the rest of that quotation ....................? 

NewBoy2

My friend texted me from The Somerset Levels and said that the Red Cross were coming up his garden in a boat...

He asked if they had come to rescue him and they said ..No they were collecting for Syria !!!

Could be true !!

The new vicar was walking down the road when he saw one of his parishioners leaning on his front fence with a beautiful garden behind him. 'What a wonderful job you and the Lord have done with your garden' he said. ' Arrh ' the old chap replied, 'but you should have seen it when he was doing it on his own!'  

Busy-Lizzie

That joke above wasn't 3 Cornish men, it should be 3 wise women. Who changed it?! 

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It must be Cornish Men if they made a pasty;  anyway, where would you find three Wise Women??!!  They don't grow on trees.  Margaret Thatcher has passed on and there was only one of her anyway!!

Oooooooo yewjay. ......a brave man I think to say that 

I have to agree though that men are far more cleverer and sensibler. And we are better edekated.  ........oops!   I'll get my coat 

........am I in trouble now? 

KEF

Might let you off Verdun, just the once!

Busy-Lizzie

YewJay and Verdun you are both in deep trouble and better get your coats as soon as possible! All cake is confiscated for the next week. KEF is being far too good to you.

Cake?  Oh no.  I'm really and truly sorry.  What sort of cake?  I didn't mean anything by wot I wrote.   Is it chocolate cake?  I should not have  posted that.  Is it a cream cake?  Marzipan?  

Wot made the apple turnover?  I donut know..........