London (change)
Today 26°C / 18°C
Tomorrow 27°C / 19°C
21 to 40 of 455 messages
04/04/2013 at 00:13

Oh, it's the way you tell 'um.

04/04/2013 at 06:13

Why is the radish red? Because it's so "hot"!

Bad translation from German, sorry!

04/04/2013 at 06:26

Why did the mushroom go to the disco? Because he was a fungi.

04/04/2013 at 07:10

Man to florist: 'I'd like a bunch of flowers, please.'

Florist: 'Certainly, sir. What flowers would you like?'

Man: 'Er.. I'm not sure...Ummm..'

Florist: 'Let me help you, sir. What exactly have you done?'

04/04/2013 at 08:32

BTG and GG get my vote - What a good start to the day, thanks for the laughs 

04/04/2013 at 10:00

OMG...what a lovely lot you all are!

I couldn't stop laughing.......it's snowing/sleeting/hale outside the window!!

04/04/2013 at 10:22
Jatnikapyar is,it really snowing?
Blue,skies and sun here but wind is very cold
No joke from you then..............?
04/04/2013 at 10:39

No joke from me - I'm useless at them.  

But what a good way to start the day - I love them.  

04/04/2013 at 10:47

Two gardeners have entered their potatoes in a vegetable show. One is declared the winner and swaggers over to boast of his success to the other gardener. ‘Not surprised I won, to be honest,’ he says. ‘I thought yours were looking a bit on the small side. ‘That’s true,’ says the other gardener. ‘Mind you, I grew them to fit my mouth, not yours.’

04/04/2013 at 11:22

One cold night a man is sat by the fire watching his favourite television programme. The wind is howling and all of a sudden there is a tap, tap, tap on the door. The man thinks nothing of it and gets back to his telly. Five minutes pass and there it goes again, tap, tap, tap. So in a bit of a mood he gets up and opens the door. No one there! So he goes back and sits down. Just as before there is a little tap, tap, tap on the door. Up he gets again and opens the door. A quiet little voice shouts out “down here”??, the man looks down, and at his feet is a little snail.

The man says rather sternly “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”?? “I’m cold and hungry, can I come in and sit by the fire and have something to eat”?? Says the snail. “NO”??, says the man and he lifts his foot, swings it back and takes an almighty swing and kicks the snail right over the garden wall. The man sits down and gets back to his programme.

Six months pass and the man is having his lunch when he hears a little tap, tap, tap on the front door. He thinks to himself for a while and then goes to answer the door. There at his feet is the same little snail and the man says again “What do you want”?? And the snail answers back in a little forlorn voice, ”What did you do that for?”

04/04/2013 at 11:41

Like it Katiejane.

04/04/2013 at 13:09

A guy walked up to our garden gate and took it,thought it best not to say anything in case he took a fence.

04/04/2013 at 13:29
Like that katiejane
Nodislab, well he could have taken something else. I guess he was just hedging his bets
........I'll get my coat
04/04/2013 at 14:59
Verdun wrote (see)
 I guess he was just hedging his bets
........I'll get my coat

Verdun...took the words out my mouth!!!

04/04/2013 at 15:18
Well, I'm always,hungry fairylike
04/04/2013 at 16:41

Very funny Verdun, don't even go there wait till SUMMER arrives and my tan is better than yours, then we'll talk!

04/04/2013 at 17:46

Very good, Jatnikapyar.

04/04/2013 at 17:51

Two caterpillars on a leaf watched a butterfly pass overhead. One of them said with a shudder,

'You'll never get me up in one of those!'

04/04/2013 at 17:54

A man takes an old, run-down, abandoned allotment with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The beds were grown over with weeds, the shed was falling apart, and the greenhouse was a frame with broken glass.  During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the allotment of your dreams!"   A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the man.  Lo and behold, it's a completely different place.  The shed is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of vegetables growing in neat rows and the greenhouse has been re-glazed.  "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"  "Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the place was like when God was working it alone!"

 

My wife's a water sign.  I'm an earth sign.
Together we make mud.

04/04/2013 at 18:01
Ha ha...good stuff netherfield
21 to 40 of 455 messages