Start a new thread

381 to 400 of 580 replies


It isn't any sort of cake because it's confiscated


Honestly you lot - I don't come on here for a few days and when I do, Verdun's still talking about cakes...I'll have to put you on a diet....

But here's a joke, since I'm sure you've missed my quality quips -

What's green and square?

A lemon in disguise. 

Wots a lemon in disguise?   A melon ha ha 

No cake!!  Oh dear, we'll just have to eat bread!  Being a gardener, I'll be able to have Home Grown potatoes and carrots with it!

What Diet are we getting?  I hope it is the Diet Of Worms - 'cos that was only a lot of people chatting anyway!!   Sounds right for gardeners too!!


Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?



So he could hide in a cherry tree without being seen 

That was a dumb o joke Dove 


And how do you know when the elephant's been in the fridge Dove?

Footprints in the butter....

They like using the telephone make trunk calls.....

And holidaying in Tusk-any...

Th th th that's all folks! 

That's ok - no applause necessary for those fine specimens 

Hey, that's impressive fairy 


I know Verd. And my modesty is even more impressive - as you know so well  

They weren't strictly garden-y jokes so here's a better one:

What do you call  two banana skins?

A pair of slippers.

I'm definitely getting better at this....

star gaze lily

New gardeners learn by trowel and error. 

Lily, that was a great joke.....I almost fork got that one 


star gaze lily

I used to be a gardener

But I lost the plot

Ashleigh 2

When weeding the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.

If it comes out of the ground easily, it's a valuable plant.

At large in the garden

My sister's a treasure

She's ruined my seedlings

By trowel and error!!

Ashleigh.   If it comes out of the ground easily, it is you that is the weed!!!

If you are offered muddy coffee, you will probably find that it was ground very recently!!