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gardenjeannie

All good. I'm thinking. May take a while----

Like it Edd 

SNOOZE ALARMS   -----------     ALAS   NO MORE Z'S

 

I don't use these now, and quite often wake up later than intended.

Just a thought that isn't gardening related exactly, but quite pertinent to todays world!!

My son came home from school one day,

With a smirk upon his face.

He decided he was smart enough,

To put me in my place.

 

Guess what I learned in Civics Two,

That's taught by Mr. Blites?

It's all about the laws today,

The "Children's Bill of Rights."

 

It says I need not clean my room,

Or even cut my hair.

No one can tell me what to think,

Or do, or what to wear.

 

I have freedom from religion,

And regardless what you say,

I don't have to bow my head,

And I sure don't have to pray.

 

I can wear earrings if I want,

And pierce my tongue & nose.

I can read & watch just what I like,

Get tattooed from head to toes.

 

And if you ever spank me,

I'll lead you quite a dance,

I'll charge you with ill-treatment

And you don’t stand a chance.

 

Don't you ever touch me,

My body's for my use,

Not for your hugs and kisses,

That's just more child abuse.

 

Don't preach about your morals,

Like your Mama did to you.

It's nothing more than mind control,

And that's illegal too!

 

Mom, I have these children's rights,

They’re given me by law

I can call out Welfare Services,

And you’ll be in trouble, sure

 

Of course my first instinct was

To toss him out the door.

But the chance to teach a lesson

Made me think a little more.

 

I mulled it over carefully,

I couldn't let this go.

A smile crept upon my face,

He's messing with a pro.

 

Next day I took him shopping

At the local Charity Store.

I told him, "Pick out all you want,

There are shirts & pants galore.

 

I've called and checked with Welfare.

Who said they had no cares

If I bought you Woolworths shoes

Instead of those Nike Airs.

 

I've cancelled that appointment

To take your driver 's test.

Welfare is quite unconcerned

So I'll decide what 's best.

 

I said "No time to stop and eat,

Or pick up stuff to munch.

And tomorrow you can start to learn

To make your own packed lunch.

 

Just save the raging appetite,

And wait till dinner time.

We're having liver and onions,

A favourite dish of mine".

 

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,

To watch on my VCR?"

"Sorry, I’ve sold your TV,

For new tyres on my car.

 

I also rented out your room,

You'll take the couch instead.

‘Cause Welfare says you only need

A roof over your head.

 

Your clothing won't be trendy now,

And I'll choose what we eat.

That allowance that you used to get,

Will buy me something neat.

 

I'm selling off your jet ski,

Dirt bike and roller blades,

Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights,"

That’s in effect these days!"

 

This, of course, is not politically correct but I love it!!

 

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Ashleigh 2 wrote (see)

 What do you call a country where the people drive only pink cars?
 A pink carnation.

Do they all wear a White Sports Coat too?

Oh, here's another Anagram, but it might be a bit outdated now  -  even if very accurate!

I AM GORDON BROWN    --    MAD ON BORROWING.

gardenjeannie

Edd and Yewjay, Brilliant. Poor God, and the' parent's bill of rights' will be saved for when I start tearing my hair out! My eldest is 11 and getting quite a 'tache, just waiting for the attitude to go with it!

Ashleigh, is that all bamboo?

Love the anagreams too.

I only come here to read and laugh, can't think of anything to contribute

Wow!!  Those vehicles are terrific!!   I expect they are fairly springy and resistant to being bashed too.    I don't know how they would go for insurance here though.

Pity!  It would be nice to include cars in "Grow your own"

artjak

Do you know the difference between knowledge and wisdom gentle reader?

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

KEF

Bumped up the joke thread that was mentioned last evening.

KEF

How do you stop moles digging in your garden?

Hide their spades.

As it is my birthday, I'm going to try my Chicken joke again

2 Chickens are talking............one of them is reading a book "Cookery for Hens".

On the floor between them are 2 eggs set a couple of feet apart.

1st Chicken says " What's going on here then ?"

2nd Chicken ( the one with the book ) says " I'm making Meringues.  The recipe says separate 2 eggs ........it just doesn't say how far ! "

I couldn't stop laughing.............

As I wasn't around when this thread began, I'm still reading thru it but enjoying it tremendously

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KEF

Philippa happy birthday   I assume you are 27 like all of us  Think you should go the cabin tonight with the rest of the gang and celebrate

I laughed at your chicken joke  both times

Kef............27 ?....  .of course I am.  I'm glad I'm not the only one to laugh at chicken jokes and thanks for the Happy Birthday

Lyn

Happy Birthday Philippa, hope you are enjoying the day so far.

27' same as me then!!