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601 to 613 of 613 messages
18/01/2016 at 15:11
Arnie, a young American was on a short break holiday in the Dorset countryside. The next day he was going to London for a job interview but he needed to ask for directions, so he spoke to a local farmhand Martin.
"Yo, feller, could you possibly tell me the quickest way to London?"
Martin replied in a rich Dorset accent "You driving or walking lad?"
Arnie quickly replied, "Driving"
Martin the farmhand nodded wisely, saying,
"Oooh aargh, that be certainly the quickest way"
Edd
18/01/2016 at 17:41

Hi Snow.

Sorry we have not met before, but.....

Snow wrote (see)
Someone keeps dumping soil all over my allotment.
I don't know who's doing it; the plot thickens.

You are now one of the club.

19/01/2016 at 10:14
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
The flowers arrived at the business site and the owner read the card: "Rest in Peace".
The owner was annoyed, and called to complain.
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, and sorry you were offended," said the florist,
"But even worse, somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location".
19/01/2016 at 11:54

http://s4.gardenersworld.com/uploads/images/original/99082.jpg?width=323&height=350&mode=max

 

19/01/2016 at 12:21

Which reminds me…….

Whilst posted overseas, in the Middle East, sometime ago, I woke one morning feeling really under the weather and rather down, so I threw my gardener in a bucket of bleach.

That really lightened Mahmood.

20/01/2016 at 13:38

... because their capital is always Dublin.

 

(You may need to turn back a page)

21/01/2016 at 09:01
Why did the chewing-gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot
Today at 12:50
Hey! Sheer spontaneous brilliance........

What parliamentary officials represent birds?



Polyticians !


Good eh! Clever aint I?
Today at 13:22

Today at 15:04

Who's a clever boy then?

Today at 16:39
WHO ON EARTH MISREPRESENTED ME BACK THERE? Such an unfunny joke not deserving of Verdun's (immense) talent
Today at 16:50

Which side of a parrot has the prettiest feathers?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The outside

Today at 18:45

Dove 

 

I went to the shops today to buy a new whisk to make pancakes. Really annoyed - I came home to discover I already had two of them.

It's my own fault. I should have done a 'whisk' assessment....

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601 to 613 of 613 messages