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I've got some gardenIng jokes but I keep fork getting them..........I'll get my coat
Gardening Grandma


The magic tractor drove down the lane and turned into a field.

Some funny stuff's the way you're telling em
TinaTurner wrote (see)

Grow your own dope - plant a man.



Hope you're better soon Verd-you're missing all this lovely hot spring weather ...



Morning fairy girl. ..thank you.
My staring at me here, sighing and fidgeting. He wants his run on Towans so I take him.
I was going to plant stuff for a friend today but will leave that though for another day.
Will post a joke later, hopefully
Enjoy your day

Just wonderful! All of them, thank you for making me laugh

Need to post a joke but this lurgy is suffocating my creative brilliance. Ha ha
Pennine Petal
I am useless at telling jokes, always get the punch line wrong.memory gone too which doesn't help.

I bought a new shrub for a customer. I asked her whether she wanted it in a bed or up against the wall and she slapped my face.

Gardening Grandma

This one is naughty but absolutely true.

Headmaster to pupils in assembly, very seriously, 'I've got something in my trousers you do not have.'

Every eye is fixed on him as the assembled teachers and                                                         pupils try to work out what it could possibly be.
 Head of RE (moi) tries to look dignified.

Headmaster, with dramatic effect: 'Turnips! turnups.'


Gardening Grandma

What do you get when worms take over the world?

Global worming.


A wild life joke;

How do you tell a weasel from a stoat; a stoat is stoately different from a weasel - a weasel is weasaly distinguishable from a stoat.

A good joke and highly original
What did plant say to the caterpillar?
Leaf me alone's a cracker. Isnt it folks?


Which fence? That one or this one?
Gardening Grandma

Husband and wide are surveying their garden.

Husband: looking good, isn't it?

Wife: Yes, but you need to replace that scruffy old scarecrow.

Husband: Why?

Wife: Well, Mother's arms are getting rather tired.


Jess, thanks, but did I detect a note of irony there?

For Guyforks I helped my young nephew make a guy.
It was so realistic down to its natural hair beard and hair, cigarette, clothes, hat etc my neighbour thought,it was me sitting in the back garden.....cheek!
The funniest part was when I drove him to his "funeral" I did so through the local town centre in my open top sports car. He filled ..overfilled ..fhe passenger seat, arm hanging down all casual-like. . At the time I had my usual winter beard growth so we looked like brothers. , it was so funny seeing,people's faces.......