London (change)
Today 8°C / 1°C
Tomorrow 7°C / 3°C
61 to 80 of 613 messages
05/04/2013 at 23:46
I've got some gardenIng jokes but I keep fork getting them..........I'll get my coat
06/04/2013 at 00:25

06/04/2013 at 08:05


The magic tractor drove down the lane and turned into a field.

06/04/2013 at 08:15
Some funny stuff's the way you're telling em
06/04/2013 at 08:58
TinaTurner wrote (see)

Grow your own dope - plant a man.



Hope you're better soon Verd-you're missing all this lovely hot spring weather ...


06/04/2013 at 09:12
Morning fairy girl. ..thank you.
My staring at me here, sighing and fidgeting. He wants his run on Towans so I take him.
I was going to plant stuff for a friend today but will leave that though for another day.
Will post a joke later, hopefully
Enjoy your day
06/04/2013 at 20:01

Just wonderful! All of them, thank you for making me laugh

06/04/2013 at 20:20
Need to post a joke but this lurgy is suffocating my creative brilliance. Ha ha
06/04/2013 at 20:23
I am useless at telling jokes, always get the punch line wrong.memory gone too which doesn't help.
07/04/2013 at 18:29

I bought a new shrub for a customer. I asked her whether she wanted it in a bed or up against the wall and she slapped my face.

07/04/2013 at 18:45

This one is naughty but absolutely true.

Headmaster to pupils in assembly, very seriously, 'I've got something in my trousers you do not have.'

Every eye is fixed on him as the assembled teachers and                                                         pupils try to work out what it could possibly be.
 Head of RE (moi) tries to look dignified.

Headmaster, with dramatic effect: 'Turnips! turnups.'


08/04/2013 at 18:50

What do you get when worms take over the world?

Global worming.

09/04/2013 at 20:22

A wild life joke;

How do you tell a weasel from a stoat; a stoat is stoately different from a weasel - a weasel is weasaly distinguishable from a stoat.

10/04/2013 at 21:18

Oh Gardening Gran - you have me in stitches, you do

10/04/2013 at 21:26
A good joke and highly original
What did plant say to the caterpillar?
Leaf me alone's a cracker. Isnt it folks?
10/04/2013 at 21:31

Whats brown and runs round the garden


10/04/2013 at 21:37


10/04/2013 at 21:38
Which fence? That one or this one?
11/04/2013 at 08:19

Husband and wide are surveying their garden.

Husband: looking good, isn't it?

Wife: Yes, but you need to replace that scruffy old scarecrow.

Husband: Why?

Wife: Well, Mother's arms are getting rather tired.


Jess, thanks, but did I detect a note of irony there?

11/04/2013 at 08:34
For Guyforks I helped my young nephew make a guy.
It was so realistic down to its natural hair beard and hair, cigarette, clothes, hat etc my neighbour thought,it was me sitting in the back garden.....cheek!
The funniest part was when I drove him to his "funeral" I did so through the local town centre in my open top sports car. He filled ..overfilled ..fhe passenger seat, arm hanging down all casual-like. . At the time I had my usual winter beard growth so we looked like brothers. , it was so funny seeing,people's faces.......
61 to 80 of 613 messages