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11/04/2013 at 08:37

11/04/2013 at 12:53

A man went into his local shop and asked the sales assistant “Do you sell potato clocks”? 

“Potato clocks sir? I’m not sure what you mean,” replied the sales assistant. 

“Well” came the explanation 

“I’m always late for work, and my boss said I would get there before nine if I got a potato clock. 

11/04/2013 at 12:59

11/04/2013 at 13:47

not a HINT of irony

11/04/2013 at 15:47

Thanks, Jess. I wouldn't have blamed you if there was!

05/08/2013 at 20:42
I had been tidying the leaves in the garden and left the rake on the grass in the classic "prongs up" position.

My wife came out with a cuppa and said, "Haha, very funny!" and stepped to the left.

As she fell through the leaves and twigs, fifteen feet into the man trap I'd prepared I couldn't help thinking she watches too much Tom and Jerry.
05/08/2013 at 21:50

Spilledbore

05/08/2013 at 22:46

Spilledbore.  I totally believe that story.  

05/08/2013 at 23:36

Executive driving his Porsch 911 down a country lane comes up behind a tractor, pulls out to overtake when the tractor turns right into a gateway without any warning. Clouds of tyre smoke begin to disperse as the exec gets out of his car and rants at the farmer "What the 'ell do you think you're doing, haven't you ever learned to indicate?"

"But I always turns in yer" came the reply!

06/08/2013 at 07:04

http://s4.gardenersworld.com/uploads/images/original/28834.jpg?width=480&height=350&mode=max

 

06/08/2013 at 07:07

06/08/2013 at 08:33

Ho ho ho

06/08/2013 at 16:01

Young man in a fast sports car came around a country bend at high speed only to be faced with a tractor & trailer that had just pulled out of a field into his path. With no time to stop or even slow down without hitting the tractor, the young man crashed through the hedge around the back of the trailer, back through the hedge and onto the road again and disappeared.

"Blige Bert", said the farmer to his lad beside him, "we only just got out of that field in time!"

06/08/2013 at 18:31

My wife said she's leaving me because of my unhealthy obsession with plants. I said where's this stemming from petal?

06/08/2013 at 18:33

I used to have a job making furniture out of plants.
I'll tell you, it was no bed of roses.

06/08/2013 at 18:48

http://s4.gardenersworld.com/uploads/images/original/28899.jpg?width=556&height=350&mode=max

 

06/08/2013 at 19:06

My chicken came back from the library with a little pamphlet in her beak. She dropped it down by the pond and clucked "Boooook book-book-book".

My frog hopped out from under a stone and looked grumpy. "Reddit" he croaked "reddit reddit".

06/08/2013 at 19:30

Peter- that's bad!!! 

06/08/2013 at 20:11

Why was the little strawberry so worried?

Because his Mummy and Daddy were in a jam

 

06/08/2013 at 20:38

Gilly -that's  even worse! 

81 to 100 of 497 messages