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16/08/2013 at 21:53
  1. What did the Martian say to the gardener?....take me to your weeder.  Just thought of that one or did I read it on a lolly stick? 

What did the bug say to,the dahlia?   Earwiggo!   

Wait,,there's more......

Why did the butterfly?  Because it saw the cowslip.   

These are all original never before told jokes

19/08/2013 at 19:17

Why did the badger go to the chemist? To get some pills for badger-ache. Why did the weasel go to the chemist? To get some pills for weasel-ache. Why did the rabbit go to the chemist? To get some pills for rabbit-ache. Why did the fox no no no can't say that here.

19/08/2013 at 20:28


Very like the one about the fox hat...

but I can't remember it...and I'm a ladeee 

19/08/2013 at 20:30

FG, don't know that one ...

19/08/2013 at 22:21

From an old seaside postcard;

Daphne, over the garden fence, says to Flo next door, 'Well I sent my husband down the garden to fetch a cabbage; he went and fell over and died!'

'Oh my' says Flo, 'what did you do?'

'Well,' says Daphne, 'I had to open a tin of peas,'

19/08/2013 at 22:29

19/08/2013 at 22:38

Peter, we often get the foxes in about 5 to 6 on a friday night!!!!. usually with a  request for something we havn't a hope in hell of getting before monday. " I took my last tablet this morning and I can't get a prescription because the doctors closed"

Oh for foxes ache

19/08/2013 at 23:49

I'm going to buy a plant as a present for the best joke here.  As I won I'm getting myself some more astrantias and heleniums.   (it was a fair decision....nobody opposed me)

20/08/2013 at 08:59

Why are pirates called pirates?

Cos, they aaaarrrrrrr!


........ok, I'll get my coat

20/08/2013 at 09:29

Shouldn't that be a parrot, verdun, not your coat




20/08/2013 at 18:50

Verdun that joke was on the news this morning!!

Peter I genuinely can't remember the joke but it's something about a duchess, her husband, a hat and confusion about a place.  The punchline is : 'wear the fox hat'. Sorry - that's all I can remember! 

20/08/2013 at 19:53

How do you make tomatos go dirty to them..whoops  lol

20/08/2013 at 20:45

I'm laughing again-

Had to re read the thread title.... thought I'd stumbled on rude jokes.

Fairy.. what is it about you that you only remember the punchline


20/08/2013 at 20:56

he he you know it makes sense....or do we.....?

20/08/2013 at 21:07

Fairy, Are you saying I pinched that joke.......I resemble that remark!  

Cracked a few jokes at the foodbank today and they were so funny.  I laughed at every one.   Oh, and we had doughnuts there again but we now have a greedy volunteer who ate his so I only had is a very selfish world!

20/08/2013 at 21:16

Fairygirl: yes! I know that joke now, something like this:

Camilla and Charles arrive at the Gardener's World Live show to cut the ribbon and open the show. Camilla's hat is decorated with tails and ears. Charles says, "Why that headgear darling?". Camilla replies, 'When I told you we were coming to the NEC you said .... WEAR THE FOX HAT".

Fidgetbones, don't let the foxes get you down, they don't know any better. Wait until the Mummy badgers scan their babies on the self service tills then run off laughing. That winds me up, that winds me up...

20/08/2013 at 21:48

Man in the supermarket went up to an assistant and asked if it was possible to buy half a cauliflower. "Er, no sorry sir." The man walks off down the aisle and disappears round the corner.

The assistant sees a colleague and says to him. "you'll never guess what some silly b.......... just asked me . They wanted to buy half a cauliflower!"

Just at that moment the customer reappears beside the assistant. 

"Oh, and this gentleman wants to buy the other half"

20/08/2013 at 21:55

pg- if you think that punchline's bad - I daren't tell you the other one I can remember! It all rhymes and and the last bit is :  'or pluck it' !!!! 

Peter- That's the one- you've just updated it !! 

21/08/2013 at 19:10

Fg, yes, a good joke should be timeless.

Now the bad news. I won't be able to post much over bthe next few months, I have to look after my brother's business while he is in hospital. It turns out that the Chinese takeaway he picked up last night was not made with onions, instead the cook accidentally used daffodil and narcissus bulbs, which are poisonous. Fortunately brother is conscious again now, but he won't be out until Spring.

21/08/2013 at 20:52

Not sure if that's a joke Peter.   Hang it.  It is a joke.  You got me there.  Brilliant

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