Register with us or sign in
(Here's one from "the olden days")
There was this bobby on the beat (see what I mean by "olden days") who noticed a dodgy looking fellow wheeling a barrow up the road with a huge sack on it.
When he stopped him he insisted the fellow opened up the sack. "Certainly, officer," says the shifty fellow and he opens up the sack. Inside there's a load of straw.
"All paid for," said the shifty guy. The policeman checked this out and found it was true.
The next day he saw him again and again he was wheeling the wheelbarrow which held a huge sack, so the policeman made him open it up again. As before it was full of straw. The policeman have him an inquiring and 'suspicious policeman look'."'For me rabbits," explained the shifty guy.
This happened every day for two weeks - every time the policeman checked the sack it was full of straw.
It started to wear him down - he couldn't get out of his head the idea the shifty guy was up to something but he was blowed if he knew what.
In the end he stopped the shifty fellow once more and told him bluntly that he knew he was up to something and demanded he told him what it was.
He said he wouldn't charge him with anything but it was driving him crazy and he insisted on knowing why the shifty fellow was moving sacks of straw up the road every evening.
"You won't charge me with anything? says the shifty fellow."That's right," says the policeman."Promise?" says the shifty fellow."God's honour!" agrees the policeman."We'll... ""Just tell me ," the policeman almost pleads.The shifty fellow leans forward and whispers in the policeman's ear: "I'm knocking off wheelbarrows."
Why did the potatoes get divorced?.
.......beacuse they could,nt see eye to eye.
Where do gardeners go for a few drinks? The salad bar
Why do potatoes make the best detectives? Cos they keep their eyes peeled.
Ok, ok, I'm trying to cheer up the sad tonight.....I'll get my coat
Made lol xxx
He, He, He!
I like this thread. Like your songs, Charlie.
Birdy, that's good.
But Gilly and Verdun, must try harder!
So here's some more bad ones, only very loosely gardening based!
What's the difference between a goat and a goldfish?
One mucks about in fountains!
Following on from Birdy's policeman, and imaging fairies in your garden:
Difference between a faiy's wand and a policeman's truncheon?
Once is for cunning stunts!
And, to finish, a tongue twister. Say five times fast
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son.
On that note, I shall go away to catch up with Tea's saga!
That's all folks. Beep Beep!
Gardenjeannie. You get today's star prize!
OH, WOW, OH WOO, I won something!! Made my day!
Thanks, Verdun, but that's me all joked out now! I look forward to hearing more of everyone else's.
Diddy seems conspicous by absence here. Been telling jokes on the 'barking dog' thread. Not that I'mm telling tales or anything........
Not really a Joke but made me smile
I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Don't know....I'm clueless. Oh no, that's ??ou isn't it?.......
jeannie- all my stunts are cunning...
and in the best possible taste....
My planting choices: still staring at portugese laurel and yew in front garden and wondering what to do!
HEHEHE! I never knew that till you said, Clueless! Waste of money, I'd say!
FG, don't remind me of Kenny Everett, I'll have to find him on youtube now to show kids.
On radio 2 yesterday, I discovered that the toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper! did anyone else know that? Presumably that is why we 'go for a c**p'! The boys and I giggled all night!
Just found these frou Diddy on 'get it off your chest', so I hope he won't mind that I put them here for more to laugh at!
Diddydoit4u wrote (see)
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. Why should you never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp?Because she's probably thick and tired of it! Why did Captain Kirk's wife have a turd on her head?Because William Shatner! Sorry folks its been one of those days, i do appologise.Sorry.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
Why should you never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp?Because she's probably thick and tired of it!
Why did Captain Kirk's wife have a turd on her head?Because William Shatner!
Sorry folks its been one of those days, i do appologise.Sorry.
I was peeing myself at the last one!
don't forget the Klingons Jeannie
Woodburners are magic. Whether your logs are Beech, Birch or Oak, they all get turned to Ash.
I seem to remember that QI dispelled as a myth that belief about Thomas Crapper - sorry to be boringly knowledgeable !
(No I'm not!)
Jeanie i have copy write on all my jokes,but i will let you off just this once as long as it makes people smile.
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."