14/04/2013 at 11:51

My 1st husband was a bully and it only took a real beating to realise what he was. No-one will ever treat me that way again. Have been married to the present husband for 25 years so i cant be that bad.

14/04/2013 at 12:02

Hi Maud. Amazing the domestic violence that exists! I'm glad you did not play the victim and continue to let him abuse you, and that you were able to build a new and happier life. The violence remains part of you, it has its permanent effect on you, but maybe it can become compassion and empathy.  

Mind you, my husband says he is the victim of domestic violence - I thumped him on the left shoulder during the first year of our marriage 3 times. (That was 46 years ago). I was the clash of one completely messy individual (me) with one obsessively neat one (him). Over the years, I learnt from him and he learnt from me and now, if anything, he's messier than me and I'm the one tidying up. More normal, somehow.

I don't mean to minimise domestic violence - it is serious and permanently damaging, and I'm speaking from childhood experience. Often, people who have experienced it in childhood repeat the pattern and marry an abuser, so I'm very blessed to have married a gentleman, I believe.

14/04/2013 at 12:04

I should add that domestic violence undermines one's self-esteem and your 'I can't be that bad' has echoes of that. We all need to remember that it was not our fault!

14/04/2013 at 12:13

I was told that i was ugly and if he hadnt married me no-one else would, i was pushed but never hit and put up with it for 2 years. It all ended the day after out 2nd anniversary when he hit and kicked me. I then decoded i couldnt do this anymore. I am now married to a kind and caring man who copes with my daft ways and my various trips into hospital and i know he loves me.

14/04/2013 at 12:39

There's never an excuse for a Man to hit a Woman (or the other way round, but us ladies are normally smaller and don't do as much damage).

My Dad did hit my Mum once, luckily my Auntie Elsie was there (she was married to my Dad's brother, who was the perfect gentleman), and Auntie Elsie was a BIG lady.  Dad hit Mum so hard she flew into the pantry, and half her curlers came out (god, this sounds very working class!!), Elsie then proceded to follow Dad around the house, prodding him and goading him to have a go at someone his own size, he turned around to give her a slap, too, but she got in first, I never knew so much blood could come out of a nose!!  Uncle Malcolm standing by to have a go if his wife got hit, too.  Dad never hit my Mum again, Elsie said if he did it again, she'd be down on the next train, and finish him off.

My stepdad had an abusive father, luckily he drank himself to death early on.  After that, his Mum never put up with anything from her second husband, she used to say 'You've got to go to sleep sometime' to her second husband.  Her second husband dare not step out of line, as she was a widow so early on!!  She sounds like she was one formidable lady, and a dead shot with her slipper!

Anyway, came on here to have a rant about THIS ZARKING FARDWARKING WIND!!!!!

Can't tackle 8foot long bits of thorniness in this, I'd get ripped to bits.  ZARKING WEATHER!

14/04/2013 at 12:51

wind is bad here too not even stepped outside its howling and due for a follow on blast monday evening.  wonder if there is any chance it'll blow the big mounds of top soil into place

14/04/2013 at 13:16

I just got an email from Avaaz here is the gist of it

It’s unbelievable, but Monsanto and Co. are at it again. These profit-hungry biotech companies have found a way to gain exclusive control over the seeds of life – the source of our food. They’re trying to patent away varieties of our everyday vegetables and fruits like cucumber, broccoli and melons, forcing growers to pay them for seed and risk being sued if they don’t.

But we can stop them from buying up Mother Earth. Companies like Monsanto have found loopholes in European law to have exclusive rights over conventional seeds, so we just need to close them shut before they set a dangerous global precedent.And to do that, we need key countries like Germany, France and the Netherlands -- where opposition is already growing -- to call for a vote to stop Monsanto’s greedy plans. The Avaaz community has shifted governments before, and we can do it again.

Many farmers and politicians are already against this -- we just need to bring in people power to pressure these countries to keep Monsanto’s hands off our food.Sign now and share with everyone to help build the biggest food defense call ever.

Personally this is a cause I whole heartedly support and I think many here would too. Any way here is a link to the petition

http://www.avaaz.org/en/monsanto_vs_mother_earth_rb/?cUVHFcb  It's already gathered over 1.5 million signatures in about 36 hours.  Thanks for reading, hope it was of interest.

14/04/2013 at 19:00

I've signed.

14/04/2013 at 19:18

So have I.

14/04/2013 at 19:46

Tina turner wrote :'Does anyone else wonder whether our love of gardening and losing ourselves in a world of our own bears any relevance to our experiences.  Not into psychology, but does make me wonder whether this is where we find our peace.'

Works everytime for me TT...seen me through years of ups and downs...fiercely defend my gardening time..it a time I am 'me'.

(tried to 'quote' this but not sure how to)

 

14/04/2013 at 20:32

Right, I'm now ranting about OH.  Whilst he was watching the Grand Prix, I decided to have a go at the garden over the road, as the wind had dropped enough not to risk losing an eye to the brambles.  So now I'm back, after two and a half hours of chopping, burning, chopping and putting in the green bin (depending on if the wood was dead and burnable or green and bin-able).  After lugging the fence back into place across the drive, as it had blown over.

So I get back expecting some praise and a cup of tea, and OH is pee'd off as I've been so long!!  So he's gone off in a huff to stir his cauldron (make some biodiesel).  Flipping heck, it's not like he takes 5 minutes every day with the cauldron, it's at least half an hour.

To add to my woes, I've also found that the brambles are competing with bindweed.  Do I do the same thing with those?  Spray with glyphosate, wait for top growth to die down, then dig out as much root as I can find?  At least bindweed doesn't get you when it's dead like brambles do.

At least I've found the tough touch gauntlets have been worth every penny.  Been grabbing the brambles and hauling them up the garden, and only got stabbed once - that was through a seam.  And the bottom of the garden (there's a step about halfway down) doesn't seem to be as badly infested with the brambles as the top half, I can finally see the fence at the end.  Only 2 and a half of OH's old bangers to get rid of now, think they're springing up like weeds - or sinking slowly into the remains of the lawn.

Bloody men!!!

14/04/2013 at 20:46

MMP-I'd make you a big cup of tea and a big bit of cake if I could!

Bloody men doesn't even begin to cover it!!!

Glad I'm on my own again!

Cilmeri-if you go to bottom right hand corner of message it'll come up 'quote' in a little blue window. Click and then when you're about to start your message, click on the quote marks at right end of your message  toolbar and it'll transfer them to the start of your own message. Hope that makes sense!

14/04/2013 at 21:13

Maud- I just read your earlier posts. I'm glad you got out and found happiness - it's what you deserve and what we should all have from life, whatever form it takes. Wealth, fame, fortune, posssessions- all  meaningless if you're miserable aren't they?

You've got friends here too. 

15/04/2013 at 10:53

Fairygirl/Daughter, you may not be on your own long, Dad may need a garage turned into a Dad/flat. Now I lay out the rules.
No moaning when the Calender girls and myself crawl home from the night club at four in the morning, the clashing of zimmer frames and the rattle of empty cans being thrown on the path must not bring forth moans and groans. If there are four heads in the bed next morning no screams of dismay just bring extra porridge.
Loud piano playing and singing of old wartime songs like "Lily Marlene" the dirty versions must not bring protest and if your neighbours complain I would expect you to shoot them.
I have a feeling it would all work well as long as you obey and Dads do know best.

Frank.

15/04/2013 at 13:17

Frank, you remind me of my late Father-in-Law, in a good way.  Now, it must be something to do with being an engineer, he knew some really rude songs.  Not just mildly offensive, really, really rude.  He used to have a good chuckle when he made me blush (and I used to work in a steelworks, some of the language there was a bit ripe).

He used to like oogling young ladies wearing things their Mums would not have approved of, he said if it was on show, it would be rude NOT to look!

Taking him around meadowhall was best.  Lots of folks don't know, but Meadowhall dips down in the middle, each side away from the Oasis is uphill.  In his last years he was in a wheelchair, as his knees were shot (he was on the waiting list for replacements, then went and got cancer, the silly sod), and I was often delegated to go shopping with him, as we got on very well (he used to say I was Daughter number two , which was lovely).  All was well, until we got to a downhill bit, then I would be leaning back on the handles trying to stop the chair gathering speed, and he'd be waving his stick, woe betide anyone who got in the way.  Uphill, I'd be properly leaning into the chair, and he'd be exhorting me to go faster.  He had a naughty habit of grabbing the rim of one of the wheels to steer himself towards any young ladies he fancied, it was only down to me shouting and the quick reactions of the ladies in question jumping out of the way (literally) that he didn't end up with a lap full of lady.  One memorable time she wasn't quite quick enough, and he thought all his Christmases had come at once!!

He could be a cantankerous old git, but I miss him every day.

15/04/2013 at 13:39

MMP-Brilliant story! Hope you're feeling well today and have made your peace with brambles/other half...delete as required!

Frank/Dad-you're not really the Duke of Edinburgh are you? What on earth would Madge say....

Anyway-in a few years time I'm getting one of those Mobility scooters so that I can wreak havoc and revenge on all those stroppy teenagers in their hoodies....including my own!!!

 

15/04/2013 at 14:47
Fairygirl wrote (see)

Frank/Dad-you're not really the Duke of Edinburgh are you? What on earth would Madge say....

 

 Fairygirl/Daughter, "how did you guess", I will be parking my racing carriage and four behind your house, they should keep the lawn manured.

Mummy I was in the army and promoted to the mess at a young age, the entree to such honoured heights was to be able to sink a pint in seconds at games night and therefore drink all the young officers under the table and then sing all the dirty words to every song you ever knew. I was not a bad Tenor in my time and could also play piano so it also meant I had to empty the row of beers on top of the piano now and again so it could be filled up, I often slept under the piano for the couple of hours before being on Parade ready willing and gleaming bright as a button stick, the best engineering training you could get.
Young girls are not for me Joan was older than me and I never cast an eye anywhere else, when you have the best don't spoil it and I do miss her.
MY problem is one over the road casting eye's my way and she is not a widow yet and the girl who's dog I mind telling me her mother thinks I am lovely, she is a widow, I have told Duaghters to buy thannet wire and machine gun nests from Ikea as I need protection.

Frank.

15/04/2013 at 15:56

Crikey!!  Ikea are selling machine gun nests?  No wonder they're up in arms about building one in Sheffield!

Latest rant, I love kipling bags.  They weigh nothing, are vertiable tardises (the plural of tardis - tardii - tardises?), they last forever, and if you get a long shoulder strap, you can get a great swing on it, I had one at college that I used for bagging seats at the back for myself & friends.

Turned on the telly to find that the Today's Special Value has sold out in the nice print that I wanted, the only colours they have left are bright Pink (not me) and White (2 kids and a dog, I think not).  Pah!  They also keep selling out, there are an awful lot of adverts for other shows they're using as 'fillers'.   EVERYONE STOP BUYING THEM!  Save some for me!

15/04/2013 at 16:06
15/04/2013 at 16:14

Frank/Dad-would you like a loan of my eldest daughter? She's taken up archery...

We had a laugh at work when I told them the archery class and the badminton class share the hall with the Zumba classes. First hour is Badminton , 2nd is Archery. We wondered if the people in the 2nd Zumba class were thinner than the 1st....

MMP-what's a kipling bag? Never heard of it....