London (change)
Today 9°C / 8°C
Tomorrow 10°C / 9°C
03/05/2013 at 18:00

Yes, it was meant as a joke!  They have both worked very hard for their money, and I hope they manage to spend it all before they shuffle off the mortal coil, but not so much that they have to worry about everyday things (if you know what I mean), I'm worrried that when I get old I'll worry about putting the fire on when it's cold, I am very nesh.  Mum is terrified that she'll get put into a home if anything happens to Ian (my stepdad), and asked both me and my sister what we'd do if anything did happen.  My sister replied 'well, if anything did happen, you'd have to come here until we find you somewhere suitable'.  Meaning that she'd take my Mum in, con her out of all of her money, then put her in a home.  When she asked me, I said we'd have to scrape some money together from somewhere so we could build an extension so she could come and live with us (Mum would not do solitary very well), we even discussed putting in a baby monitor in her room in case she had a diabetic hypo in her sleep.  When she asked my Husband, he said he was in total agreement with me, as we had both helped to look after his Dad when he was terminally ill, parents are precious, as are children.  It's very strange that even though we're sisters, my older sister cares more about money than she does about people - when my parents got divorced, she even 'hid' some of my biological father's money so Mum didn't get as much - for a percentage.  Shocking.

03/05/2013 at 18:35

I wonder are you the older sister, MMP? I am and I'm the dutiful one. My brother still (at 64!) still has a hang up about being bossed around by me and is much more into asserting his rights. Seems rather immature to me, but I suppose I wasn't in his position.

03/05/2013 at 22:46

GG, I am number two daughter.  Number one daughter is 11 years older than I am, number one son is 9 years older than I am, and number three daughter is 4 years younger than me.  Number one son only just started talking to Mum after 25 years, number three daughter was talking to Mum and now isn't for some bizarre reason none of us can figure out.  I am in sporadic contact with number one daughter, and tend to ignore number 3 daughter, as the stuff she posts on facebook would be better off on the Jeremy Kyle show.

Me?  I've been accused of being stuck-up, sensible, utterly certifiable, using language that would make a navvy blush, and joined-up thinking.  I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.

As for Mum, she is one of my best friends, and I don't like to see bad things happening to my friends, so would not want to see her in a home.  When asked what she would do if it was my stepdad outlives my Mum (which is likely, as he is 5 years younger than she is, and doesn't have as much going wrong physically), she just said 'don't be a stranger'.  I told him that our door is always open and I would be most offended if he didn't show up every year at Christmastime, and if he needed full-time care then it would be up to him if he would prefer to see out his days at home or in a home.

Mum's genes must be working REALLY hard to counteract my biological father's dodgy DNA.

04/05/2013 at 08:33

I have a friend with similar problems and I'll say to you what I said to her - be glad you're the one with the kindness and good sense! 

My bro and I had rather a troubled childhood, too, and I guess no-one gets off scott free from that. We're still dealing with our issues, and I think a part of the problems our parents had came from the things they themselves suffered as children. I can see my bro (who actually has high principles)  getting more like my father as he gets older (and, strangely or not, his wife is quite a lot like my mother). I'm glad that at least my OH and I have not repeated their marriage. OH knew more about what loving family life is like than I did.

04/05/2013 at 13:44

I just hope they last a few years longer, I don't think I could cope with toddlers and Mum who has lots of health issues at the same time!!

Mum has also said that she wants to outlive my biological father, just so she can go and spit on his grave.  Don't blame her for that at all, he is not a nice person (he did threaten to shove my teeth down the back of my throat when he thought I had stolen his wallet - I was four years old at the time).  If anyone threatened to do that to either of my children, I think I would be up in court for Murder.  Karma is well at work though, my eldest sister is just about the only one who bothers to visit him, and he has a full-time carer as he has demensia. 

One of my best friends had a childhood that makes mine seem idyllic - her Dad left when she was 4 and her sister a baby, and her Mum was a Paranoid Schizophrenic.  Social services were non-existent in those days, some days she'd have to sort out herself and her sister after a beating, her Dad would come around regularly and assault her Mum, and she'd have to sort out her Mum, too.  When her sister started nursery, she was permanently catatonic - no-one picked this up.  No one questioned why the two of them were covered in bruises, and regularly off when the bruises were too bad for one or the other to go into school.  My friend left when she was 17, she got pregnant by her boyfriend at the time, they tried to force her to have an abortion, but being a good catholic girl, she refused, and instead was forced to marry the boyfriend (the marriage lasted 8 years, as the boyfriend inflicted the beatings she got from her Mum).  She's now happy, the baby she had at 18 has been to university and has a good job with prospects, and Husband number 2 has immense respect and love for his wife (he's been told that if he pulls stunts like number 1 did he'll have a number of friends to answer to!!)

The upshot of all of this, is I understood where she was coming from when she found out her Mum was dying.  She didn't go and see her, and breathed a massive sigh of relief when she finally passed away.  When she went to sort out her flat, she found exercise books full of her Mum's rantings, what she was going to do to her two girls if she ever found them, what she was going to do to my friend's daugher etc.  Most of it was burned in a big bonfire.  She is an amazing person, and how she managed to emerge functioning as she did is not far short of a miracle.  My daughter's second name is the same as my friend, as if my daughter is half as beautiful, happy and clever as my friend, she will be a lucky girl.

The more I see of what people will do to each other, the more I love my dog.

04/05/2013 at 20:00

Tragic what people put others through. Life is hard for everyone at times and very hard for some. However, the other side is that loving families and good relationships are the greatest things on earth. There's a lot to be thankful for if one has those things in one's life. Please don't get too low and disillusioned.

06/05/2013 at 14:30

MMP although it started off as a tragic story the outcome and the 2nd OH was really encouraging. I hope the rest of her life will be happy. My childhood was lovely, my parents loved each other and all 6 of us.

I came here for a rant and ended up reading everyone's stories. My rant seems small now.

We loaded up the car and trailer with rubbish for the tip and re-cycling having had a clear out during the winter. OH was fed up with it sitting in the garage. Our tip has been changed from the convenient one to another, 20 mins drive away. It has always been open on Mondays and today in France is not a bank holiday. Anyway, the horrid tip was shut and a new notice on the gate said that from April it will be shut on Mondays and Fridays. We'll have to go again tomorrow. Back to the weeding!

06/05/2013 at 16:12

Busy L- I'm lucky too that my parents were together for over 50 years and although we didn't have much materially we were loved totally.

I've said it before on here but I'll say it again. I've had a rough few years but I count my blessings every day as I know how lucky I am. I don't believe in God but I often hope I'm very very wrong and there is some kind of divine retribution for all the scumbags of the world.

GG is so right- taking the moral high ground is hard MMP- but you know who is right and who is wrong so have faith in that  

Or as Captain KIrk said (I believe) - live long and prosper!  

 

06/05/2013 at 22:11

Well said, FG!

 

07/05/2013 at 17:14

Heavens, don't start me on the local tip.  Ours is great, but the chaps in there are a bit too eager to help - my new pushchair nearly went in one of the recycling bins, until I shouted at the guy to put it back, I was getting it out of the boot to get at the other stuff that needed to go, think he thought he could get a few quid out of it as it looked new (because it was new).

Our local council will not allow us into the tip with either a van or a trailer, we have to get a permit from the council to take a trailer or van in, and then it's only allowed in once a month, and we have to pre-book the day before.

The neighbouring council don't really care if you turn up with a dump truck full of stuff, but that's 20 minutes away, and the local one is only 5 minutes.  The guys there are like vultures, anything they can ebay or car boot gets snaffled, I'm sure it's a great way of topping up their income.

Apart from someone mentioning the tip, I've been quite happy this weekend, I actually managed to get to the GC this weekend and spend my money (mostly on stuff I wanted), got myself the very nasty looking wolf cultiweeder (hopefully it will stop me having to bend to grab lengths of bramble), and will be useful when I finally get the bottom garden sorted for veggies.  I also managed to get some fungicide to treat the black spot on my roses, and OH got a tap fitting to go on one of his oil drums for making the biodiesel.  We all had an ice-cream too (next time I will do the choosing, as OH has no idea how messy a toddler can get with anything bigger than a mini-milk!)  Came to slightly over £30, so OH paid the excess (it did mean he got his tap for half-price though).

08/05/2013 at 04:03

more spam, spam, spam

08/05/2013 at 17:38

Pash, is this a rant about spam? If so, I agree that it is a pain.

MMP, your local tip sounds a lot like ours in the way it is run. Glad you got the things you wanted at the GC.

I had a very puzzling experience this week, so this is a bit of a rant. A hideous cardigan arrived by post, with no account of who is was from. It is a size 28 (a lot too big, I may say, even for a long-term member of Fat Club such as myself!) and cheap and nasty. A couple of weeks later, a bill and a contract arrived from Fashion World. I queried this and they said I ordered by phone. I didn't! So who did and how did they get my financial details? And why order something like that to be sent to me? I'm annoyed, mystified and somewhat worried. What the heck's going on?

08/05/2013 at 17:51

GG, ask them for a recording of the telephone call.  They cannot demand payment as they do not have your signature.  You also need to know where the telephone call originated (if you are lucky, it will be when you were on holiday in your caravan so you can prove it was not you.  As they do not have your signature, they cannot demand payment, although you must send the nasty cardigan back.  Check your bank statement, just to make sure they haven't got bank details, but it sounds like the bill is a request for payment.  You know you didn't order it, especially as it's the wrong size.

It could be someone you've upset sending this to you as a nasty dig, just to make trouble for you.

Ring them back, have a rant, ask them to ferret out the recording, and you need to know the date & time it was ordered, and the telephone number it was ordered from.  That might give you a clue of who it was.  They don't have your signature, so they don't have any sort of agreement with you, therefore as long as you return the goods they have no legal comeback on you.  Make sure you get a proof of postage (free) from the post office, although you will have to pay return postage. 

If they get stroppy, get stroppy back.  Check your bank details.  Invest in a shredder and put all of the shreddings on the compost heap.  I'd also go and get some advice from Citizen's advice.  Hope you get it resolved, getting things through the post with a 'congratulations, you've won X in Y competition' is great, getting stuff with no explanation is worrying!

09/05/2013 at 12:27

Has anyone else noticed how ineffective current slug pellets seem to be? In my case, I have some 2-3 inch Brussels Sprout plants outside, hardening off. I have used Bayer Slug and Snail Pellets, and basically, they are c--p!

I put plenty of pellets down, but they appear to work too slowly, as some of the plants have been eaten to stalks,but surrounded by dead snails, which obviously enjoyed a great last supper. What's the point of pellets which don't attract snails immediately?

I know it's easy to blame EU regulations ( probably with good cause ), but half the pellets and solutions we now use in the garden or allotment are not really fit for purpose ( and the prices have soared! ). Sometimes I think we are so gullible, believing ' what it says on the tin'. Yet another manifestation of the ' Suits' culture, where big businesses get away with selling us overpriced rubbish, but can announce to their shareholders that they have had another wonderful year

09/05/2013 at 13:44

Pentillie, gave up on that kind of thing years ago, even the old fashioned one lick and you are dead preventatives did not help.
I found the best way is to clear the garden of anything they can hide behind, bits of wood plant pots, under the bushes in the border, pick them up drop them in a bucket with water and acid (any washing agent) and down the drain or into a hole in the ground.
A couple of nights a week with torch and bucket reduces the numbers I did put some sticks in the ground with a fine loose mesh around some plants it worked.
No point in being squeamish and taking them down the fields, they are homers and will be back in a week.

Frank.

KEF
09/05/2013 at 15:38

I have a mole that helps get rid of slugs & snails. Made of stone with a nice flat base I drop it on the little blighters. Makes a mess but soon hosed away.

09/05/2013 at 15:53

Pentillie, as you are hardening the plants off, I'm assuming they are in pots or trays of some sort?  Why don't you stand the container on a bed of sharp sand or gravel, that should deter all but the most determined slug.

Frank, will washing up liquid work, and how strong does my solution need to be?  I am finding more slugs in my 'new' garden than I'm used to (no resident frogs).  This seems a clean way to dispose of them if I find lots - before I get my chickens!

KEF, watch your feet!  Aren't you worried you'll crack your mole?

I chop any slugs I find in half, and either the birds or frogs clean them up for me.  If I'm wearing wellies then the snails get squished under those.  I don't tend to find many slugs in the garden, I don't know if it's the blackbirds or the frogs that get them.  The only ones I do tend to find are big ones, easier to chop.  Hate the damn things.  Those and lily beetles.

KEF
09/05/2013 at 16:08

MMP I don't drop it from a great height, just enough to make a crunch or a splat. Won't hurt the mole he's already lost half his nose. Lily Beetles I hate them, talking of which I haven't inspected since breakfast...right bye..woman on a mission.

09/05/2013 at 16:13

MMP, I am talking Domestos although a sudden thought, i wonder if a quick squirt with the Bathroom Spray would see them off.
Sharp sand or gravel do not keep them off I have tried it and know they will cross yards of it and egg shell to get to a tasty plant.
Hens and Ducks will clear them for you, they did the job in my Fathers garden, he always let the hens have free run of the garden
It was a large one and his motto was one row for the beasties, two rows for us so he did allow for them.

Frank.

14/05/2013 at 10:23

That's it, I finally admit defeat. I have been trying for ages to get a 'proper' cup of leaf-brewed tea whenever I am out and about, but all I ever get is the ubiquitous cup of hot water with a b....y tea-bag dropped in it, and then charged over a pound for the privelege - no wonder most people now drink coffee!

Anyway, I now keep a stash of half-decent (?) tea-bags, Yorkshire Tea, in the car, so when I have a cuppa in a cafe, I can add an extra bag, and get a drink that somewhere near resembles tea!

Does anyone out there know of any establishment that still serves properly brewed tea?