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41 to 60 of 67 messages
22/09/2013 at 00:23

I'm sorry folks,i realy should not go out drinking at night,i will try to improve tomorrow.

Diddydoitdave.

22/09/2013 at 01:44

No no no, Diddy, you must drink more often. Or should I? The quality of joke has improved immeasurably since you got home! (minds immeasurably superior to ours----- will notice! sorry, heard war of the worlds earlier!!)

22/09/2013 at 08:47
Diddydoit4u wrote (see)

I thought you liked me, you traitor,and as for you,msBeehaven,well im lost for words.see me after class.

Not sure that's allowed!

22/09/2013 at 11:12

I was doing the gardening this afternoon when a frog intentionally threw himself under my lawn-mower.
I guess he wanted to Kermit suicide.

 

22/09/2013 at 11:20
According to 'The Hobbit', Gollum was once a normal man. 

The biggest mistake he made was putting on that ring, which drained him of his youth, vitality, and energy. 

I got one of those when I was married. 
22/09/2013 at 13:25

Dear me!!!! what can i say to that MsBeehaven.that is really bad jokes,but with a little more practice you might improve

                                                

http://images.zaazu.com/img/Professor-professor-teacher-education-smiley-emoticon-001091-facebook.gif

 

22/09/2013 at 13:32

A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol. She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

22/09/2013 at 17:58
Diddydoit4u wrote (see)

Dear me!!!! what can i say to that MsBeehaven.that is really bad jokes,but with a little more practice you might improve

                                                

http://images.zaazu.com/img/Professor-professor-teacher-education-smiley-emoticon-001091-facebook.gif

You wanted 'bad' jokes, I'm just obliging..... 

 

22/09/2013 at 18:41

Past, present and future walked into a bar - it was tense....

22/09/2013 at 18:45

Gold walked into a bar and the bartender shouts Au get out!  

A little chemistry knowledge needed.....

22/09/2013 at 19:05

H  h

22/09/2013 at 19:06

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

22/09/2013 at 19:21

Half a laugh

22/09/2013 at 20:03
I got hauled off a Ryanair flight on Friday morning for being drunk, and I spent the rest of the weekend in jail.

There was almost a riot on board as I left.

Apparently everybody else wanted an upgrade too.
22/09/2013 at 20:06

thats better Bee.

22/09/2013 at 20:08

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear.

She said, ''Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!'' The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, ''Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!'' This time, he figured he'd better look into it.

A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on.

He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. ''Excuse me sir, could I help you?''

The elderly man looked up and said, ''Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..."

The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!''

23/09/2013 at 10:33

http://s273.photobucket.com/albums/jj202/my99/profileabc/img/en-hn/good-morning/good-morning-2.gif

23/09/2013 at 10:45

http://www.creativecolours.org/uploads/9/2/9/3/9293661/3608993_orig.jpg

23/09/2013 at 13:24

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.

 

23/09/2013 at 21:32

An asian guy walks into a shop and ask the racist guy behind the counter :two tins of kitty  cat please yes sirThe guy replie's F..k off yuo dirty B.....d, I know what you lot do with it,You put in your curries. I f you want any bring the cat in and i will then sell you some.So the next day he arrives with the cat under his arm and say,s hears the proof, now can i have some Kitty cat plese yes sir.So the shop keeper sells him his kitty cat and off he went on his way,T

he next day the asian guy is back in the store and say's to the guy behind the counter:- Please yes sir please, put you hand inside bag and shaky your finger,s around,then take finger's out and smell finger's.

so the guy does as asked,pulls his hand out of the bag and smell,s his fingers.

BLOODY HELL YOU DIRTY B.....D THAT IS PURE S..T.

Yes replies the man,I will be wanting some toilet paper,so brought the proof to show you.

 

41 to 60 of 67 messages