Fork Handles - Page 440

I am not clicking on that link - do not want Paper Woses in my head all day! Will have to think of another song very quickly.

We have recently had a new fence put up at the entrance to the allotments, with rows of barbed wire at the top. A shame that its necessary.

Lovely roses Becks - how long would they last?

Hi Forkers. Late this morning

Been trying to sort out my ancient mother's BUPA spending money. They didn't tell me she needed more until there was only £7 in the kitty.

These people that want food for free - how can they eat/ Is ther really profit in taking it?? Gets me. like electric cable etc, etc, etc.

Went on morning walk round garden to find the lily beetles have come out to play so spent a pleasurable few minute squashing them as they tied to climb the dead lily stems. This year I had spectacular lily called Night Flyer. Don't know if they will survive lily beetle onslaught

Got to go now . Attempt to catch up later 

The sad thing is, Lottie a vandal could sue if he injured himself on the wire, although I think we can use resonable force if a burglar breaks in.

It has been very wet here, I am sure that the rain is heavier in Cornwall than the South East. But my question is "Is it the right sort of rain or will we still have a hosepipe ban next year?"

Not sure Lottie. Not long I should imagine. But a pretty make do decoration in a hurry.

Pam, is a baseball bat 'reasonable force'?

I think the reservoirs must now be full,the rivers flowing, all is well with the world- no hosepipe bans next year

Isn't this all part of Dave's master plan-you can now shoot a burglar but can't kick him to death as lies bleeding on the floor?

Soon be time for paper-chains

Well I have got barbed wire around part of my fence at the back! We back onto open, non-maintained ground....nuf said! Daft thing is though a policeman said to me one day 'why dont you use it along the top of the alleyway fence?' after some vandalism. Didnt he know? Obviously not that it's illegal if below a certain height, which my fence IS below, because the planning regs wont allow me to have it any higher!!

Have come in for an early lunch snack before I start out there, plus 2cnd wash load almost done.

BUT I'm amazed! My car DOES have a washer bottle! Durr, no not quite brain dead, but said bottle is very well hidden down at bottom of corner of engine. Now being female & not mechanically minded, I assumed that all the car had was the visible TUBE as regularly needs refilling. Boy have I called the obviously male desoigner of said car over the yrs! No idea why I leant further over just now, but there it was, hiding, just as my very puzzled mechanic said it was! Still needs refilling often though....

Ok off out. J.

Jo-I am puzzled -how did the windscreen washers get filled up over the years-did the fairies do it?

Insomnia1973 wrote (see)

....is a baseball bat 'reasonable force'?

A lot of people seem to think so. These are some customer reviews of baseball bats on Amazon:

Next door neighbours have a monster uncontrollable dog. I've bought this for it.

I bought this as a security device. You dont have to worry about reloading this baby!

It hasn't been used in anger but it looks good for the job. If I were to use it for baseball that is.

Its lightweight but will do the job just fine. Best kept under the bed or near your front door.

This review is for anyone intending to unlawfully enter my premises.
-Cheaper than a CCTV system
-Aluminium is stronger than your skull

It's light weight, kinda small and the grip is great. I've not used it for anything, but I'm sure it'll smash a few skulls in if someone tried to rob my house.

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2011/08/sales-nightsticks-soar-7000-amazon-uk/41034/

Back now.

Need cheering up after difficult 5 mins with ancient relative so thought I'd look here. 

Very serious topics.

Hvae squelched my way round garden will go out in mo to attack lily beetles again. May cheer me up

Jean after months of trying we sold our house 2 1/2 years ago and were given 6 weeks to get out. We did it in 7 from finding somewhere to moving in. we had stoppped looking. It is possible and we don't regret buying in a rush but take care it doesn't always work out . We used Right move. Typed in all our requirements and posted it.Some agents contacted us with just what we needed.

Flo, was this one of your pupils??

Video of the day

Here is a copy of Mummy's note, the next day, for the teacher:

Dear Miss Greenwood,

That is not a dance pole on stage in a dancing club. I work at B&Q and that's me selling a shovel.

Yours faithfully, Sarah Fogarty.

Hmmmmm!!!!!

I just wasted 4.36 minutes watching that Geoff. It was awful!

1. Here are Will and Guy's favourite schoolboy howlers.  These are funny answers to exam questions, were culled by teachers reading through 1,000s of answers.  Here are their moments of fun amid tedious schoolboy writing.
2. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
3. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
4. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but another man of that name.
5. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot.
6. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
7. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
8. InIn midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
9. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ids of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus.'
10. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.  Moses then went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
11. Gravity was invented by Issaac Walton.  It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn.
12. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't make the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
smacked him one

Like his mother used to do.

Who are Will and Guy???

  I have been entertained ! Paper roses and Eton style . Wonder if the owner of that report ever got there .

Daughter will be renting now, Bjay and have just seen some properties that she has in mind on laptop but she wants to move out of the area  just hope it's not going to be too far away.  Think it will be a matter of timing.

Have just watched that live Emmerdale - don't watch it usually but wanted to see if anyone slipped up.

In and out of hospital so quite impressed . Don't like hanging round.

Jo , I'm useless with car stuff - just point it in the right direction and hope for the best.

Becks-don't know -just copied it-perhaps Guy is a pseudonym for Grace?