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15/11/2012 at 15:48

Barbies letter to Santa ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back
time!!

There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It looks like cellulite!!!

3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring
anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, for christ's sakes, make us anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just do it!!

6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!!

8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with fake fur coat, bottle of spray blood and handcuffs; or "Stop
Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I deserve it!

Okay Santa, that's it. considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple.

Yours truly,
Barbie

 

15/11/2012 at 16:15

Afternoon all.

Just finished Passport renewal application.Why does filling in those sort of forms always make me nervous, both of us need to renew before next April so thought I had better do one this month and leave the other till after Christmas, help spread the cost, at £72.50 each it's not cheap.

Oh has just made a nice cup of tea, always taste better when someone else makes it., but no cake can't get the staff.

Geoff, Where do you get them from

I bet the circulation of Garden News has gone up this week Pam, by the way lovely flowers in pic, I've still got a few penstemons, cosmos and dahlias just hanging on don't want to pull them up/ cut them back until absolutely forced to..

 

 

15/11/2012 at 16:21

HaHaHA---you lot are in fine form this morning! Yesterday was a gorgeous day here--checked out my secret chanterelle patch, but still no joy.

Put some lights up on my arbour, which was looking bare without the ivy. But they are white, so they are probably going to stay up, at least for the winter.

For thos who inquired about my pets--this is what they mostly do--

http://s4.gardenersworld.com/uploads/images/original/15777.jpg?width=200&height=350&mode=max

 And this is my whale turbine----

http://s4.gardenersworld.com/uploads/images/original/15778.jpg?width=426&height=350&mode=max

 Someone sent me this photo--if you look closely in the top right corner you can barely see my house!

Hope everyone has had a good day--mine is just beginning!

15/11/2012 at 16:25

Chris-does this involve a new mugshot?-I know it lasts 10 years but cannot work put how the cost is justified?

That will not be dealt with by Commissioner Gordon

I have Ken's response to Santa

15/11/2012 at 16:29

Ken's letter to Santa~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Santa,

I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes.

In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning
Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.

First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment-the bitch has EVERYTHING!! I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorise my outfits with an earring was my
decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.

I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you considered :"Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out of Work Actor Ken"? In
addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such as:"S&M Ken", "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken".

These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open new markets. And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can"push me away", I need bendable knees so I can kick that bitch to the curb.

Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations-we've talked about this issue before.

In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blond bimbo from hell will result in action taken by myself and
others.

PS. Barbie can forget about having Joe-he's mine, at least that is what he said last night.

Sincerely,
Ken

15/11/2012 at 16:31

Hi Inka,-- thats a fantasic picture of the whale and yes I can just make out your house, beautiful location and what a wonderful view.

Your 2 dogs look very comfy, obviously very laid back.

It's just got dark here ,so it's curtains drawn and tea to get ready, Plaice, chips and garden peas.Enjoy your day.

Geoff. Yes new mugshot x 2, I need  to renew bus pass, very shortly driving license, so have had a job lot of photos done it goes on and on and on....

Chris.

15/11/2012 at 16:37

Hi Inka. Amazing photo I know its not yours but do you see whales often?

Your dogs seem very laid back. Bit like mine - spread out in front of the fire making grumbly contented noises

Geoff am ignoring Barbie stuff. Very political!!! funny though

15/11/2012 at 16:40

Strangely enough- I had a conversation with polling stations bods today-you don't need to take you polling card -not asked for any id-you could wander in and out all day if they were busy and vote more than once-it would only get noticed if the real person tried to vote later or unless they twigged at your 3rd or 4th attempt

That just strikes me as odd

 

15/11/2012 at 16:48

Back inside. 4 biscuits, the last Aldi chocolate bar & a coffee, what more could a girl want?

Realised was going dark here too Chris & the noise from next doors' leaf hoover annoying me so I stopped. Wheely bin soooo full & have also been adding to my bins if the stuff soggy, so bin doesnt dry out. Energy levels brill today, but tomorrow..... oh well give it a week.

Whoever asked- yes at hospital next Tues. It's a course for women like me run by a cancer charity & the nurses. The other lady locally, in a similar situation, isnt going. She's still wearing her wig too, but her hair must be better than mine as she's a month or so ahead of me in the treatment. Each of us react differently I suppose. I just hope that I can walk down ok, bit daft if I get halfway & realise need a taxi. Daughter can collect anyway.

Phone keeps ringing, number withheld so am just letting it go to answer machine. If OH's Aunt, a possibility, she should leave a message & I'll ring her back later, when about an hr to spare!!

Right, must get changed. Meal easy again- reheated leftovers. May even do some cleaning later as realised that if OH gets back early he'll not be impressed & daughter will want a lie in after her part night-shift.

BTW Inka- wonderful shot of your nearby surroundings. J.

 

15/11/2012 at 16:56

Ooh Chris, that brings back memories. I had to do 2 new applications for me and Jess. Never had a passport before. I checked them, and double checked them, ans still had to go to Birmingham for an interview. Luckily, my Dad did our photo's, just with my normal camera, and printed the pics on photo paper, and trimmed to their required size. Saved me £10 or so.

Inka, is that really your house? Wow! Nice.

15/11/2012 at 17:18

Bjay--the whales go through the Pass often in summer--I don't see them that often because of the angle, but hear them blowing at night. Yesterday the kids on the school boat saw a gray whale--that is rare--and make the Orcas look small. There are porpoises too-often they will follow the ferries.

15/11/2012 at 17:18

Drat! hadnt realised that the bag of kale needed to be washed, so delay in starting to stirfry it to go with the spicey 'stew'.

No message was left..... just wont answer anymore. OH, if he back early morning, will of course do just that & get really cross. Dont think he's cottoned on to the slight pause you get with cold calls that gives you time to put the receiver down first. J.

15/11/2012 at 17:22

Off to Cubs shortly - we are doing a St Andrews Day theme this evening - trouble is I don't have a kilt! My fault, I should have thought about it earlier as I probably could have found one in a charity shop.

Inka, you live in such a beautiful place. And the dogs look so contented.

I've managed to hang onto my paper driving licence so I don't need to update it (and be charged for the privilege). Passport forms are a real headache. Son no. 3 took three attempts to get his correct - luckily we used the 'check and send' service at the post office so the errors were spotted before it was sent off.

15/11/2012 at 17:40

It reminds me we both need new passports and I need a bus pass - never had one before. Both need photos. When we moved had to have the new style driving license

School boat Inka? Sorry if everyone knows all this but i'm a fairly new Forker.

I went on a cruise and there was a grey whale but at that moment I was on wrong side of ship!! Just my luck. one day i will see them in the sea. It's on my list of ???? things to do before _____

Perhaps one day we'll all have to have our finger stained when we vote so we can't do it again. Was that in Iraq or somewhere?

15/11/2012 at 17:41

Thank you for the compliments--yes, it is a wonderful place, and I wake up every day and count my blessings. If I hadn't inherited it from my English grandmother, who bought in 1952, I'd never be able to afford to live here. Property values have increased 20 fold at least. The ancestral holdings have shrunk to just over an acre, but I am right next to a park.

15/11/2012 at 17:47

The high school students commute daily via water taxi that collects them from the 4 outer islands about 7:30 am and returns them at 5:30 pm. The high school is on Saltspring Island.The ride is an hour each way-and in the winter, in the dark. Makes for a long day, and the novelty of the boat ride soon wears off.

15/11/2012 at 17:53

I hope you don't mind Inka but I have just Googles Salt Spring Island. What an amazing place to live. i think my son visited BC a few years back and loved it.

15/11/2012 at 17:57

Can someone turn the fire on please? I don't want to move. Who's nearest the switch?

15/11/2012 at 18:00

Another phonecall & no message nor number!

OH did phone, my mobile which for once was in my pocket & not lying around somewhere. He's working tomorrow after all, so I shall have time to be Mrs Mop tomorrow. Good.

Window cleaner paid. Kale must've drained by now so off to cook. J.

15/11/2012 at 18:03

Becks am on the job-atop my very,very long ladder- with a very,very long stick-if you have left a window open- it will be done

3 PPI calls in 2 days