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Best wishes Mike. Let's hope this 'Zombie' feeling passes soon, often a UTI can cause this feeling so bear with it, it will pass. Meanwhile, take it easy, ask a friend or family to be with you - enabling you to do some of the things you enjoy (rather than try on your own), not to nag or prevent (you have a life to live and enjoy) but to ensure safety, reassurance, a listening ear, a hand to hold and steady, a person who can help you to enjoy life again on your terms.
sorry to hear you feel so down mike, i don't know you really but it doesn't seem to be your natural mindset, hold on today, look at the plants, enjoy the tiny details, i have a lot of help from a professional herbalist and have had acupuncture before, some complementary therapies can help slightly lessen any unpleasant side effects of meds and also help lift spirits, maybe even just reading some of these replies will lift you up a little, i'm easily pleased but smelling a rose makes me a tiny bit happy even for a second, then keep multiplying those tiny little flashes of light and happiness
gosh Mike that does sound like your having a terrible time of it at the moment, i really feel for you,you must feel so helpless with everything that's going on.
i think the feelings of "is that it" etc. are feelings that surely must be entirely natural at such a frightening time, you are questioning life itself, the meaning of it.
Im reading a biography of Tolsoy by a.n. Wilson, (sounds hard going but its very interesting and picked it up for 50p from the book farm) and altho he has just written war and peace, he is married, secure, wealthy, he is driving himself mad with worries of "is this it" everything he does, he thinks is pointless,as we are all going to die at the end of it all,he constantly worries that he will kill himself,even writing about it in anna karenin.
so even the biggest writers have the same worries as you have today! surely a sign of an intelligent person such as yourself.
whether in good health or bad. i guess what im trying to say, is it must be normal for these feelings,and they will not simply go away, you must learn what will work for you,and recognise they are thoughts, but intrusive ones.
counselling could help, and im sure being in your garden will bring some calm.
i wish you well through this difficult time x
Hi Mike, I'm so sorry I'm late to this thread but lots of people have been giving great advice as I've read through. Sometimes there are no easy answers to situations we find ourselves in or the hand that life has dealt us.What you have been through recently Mike is massive,you have been told you have cancer and had it operated on before being reassured it has all been removed.
However,you have had a huge reminder of your own mortality and that is going to impact on you in a big way.After all,how can it possibly not? I won't pretend I know what its like to be diagnosed with cancer and I don't want to come across as someone who thinks they do. I just don't know how you feel in that respect.That said,if its anxiety you are feeling,which I suspect it is,then that is something I am very much familiar with.I've lived on and off with that for almost 29 years and its something I never really get used to.In bad times it can colour almost every facet of my life.The simple everyday things like going to the local supermarket can become huge tasks that scare the living daylights out of me.Panic attacks,depression,the lot.
During those years I've learned to live one day at a time and sometimes literally.I bury my head in the sand and write poetry or garden,the soothing rhythms of plants are my companion and I've come to love my alone time in the garden.Once again though,please don't think I'm claiming to understand your own situation.Only that I do understand fear and hopelessness. The Samaritans are a great idea and are there to listen to people whether they feel suicidal or not.I myself take anti-depressants which work for some people but others not,depending on many different life factors.
Please know Mike that we care and are here to listen,nobody can guarantee you peace of mind but we can certainly try to help you attain it.
What a great crowd you all are. All these tender affections etc. I can let my mind wander to scenes of ancient times. There's Mike reclining on the chaise longue, draped in my Roman Emporer's toga....or is that a hospital gown? then all you lovely ladies feeding me with bunches of grapes. Well! one can dream.
I feel that I should apologise for going on about my problems. As my daught goes on and on telling me. You've been through a lot dad. I know she means well, but she does go on. Mind you it perhaps takes her mind off having to move home. She's lived in a house owned by the local church. When she moved in fourteen years ago. It was a tip. Now it's a place. The powers to be, have put it on the market. At the same time adding quite a bit to the asking price. They want to then knock down the church hall, and build a social club. By all accounts the vicar is so upset as he has met my daughter and family. The congregation, are up in arms about it. Making a family homeless for a social club. The locals are saying. Not in my back yard. The neighbours all have great respect for the family. In fact her next door neighbour put in a bid to purchase the house, so she could remain. The powers to be certainly seem to have thrown the teachings of Christ to the wind. So I suppose I am concerned about all of this. Incidentally. I can get out and about. Actually I have a scooter but the batteries died a long time ago, and to be honest. It caused me more spine trouble and pain. Although painful to walk, as the vibration on the spine really hurts. Nevertheless. I love walking. Especially to the high street, as it is a steady incline, so all of my body gets exercised. It is just this feeling that I am no longer in control of my own body. Monday, I have to go to the hospital for a pre-assessment check. It's only a month ago that I had one followed by the op. Then 31st July I am in for a couple of hours whilst the consultant plays David Attenborough and takes his camera team into Mikes deepest parts. Following that I will have a CT Urogram, the put onto the flexi camera inspections at about six months intervals. This program lasts for ten years. Something tells me, otherwise. Then there is this possible Hemochromosotis. Too much iron in my blood. When I saw my GP last. We joked about it. I reminded him that in the past, I had said. I'm not spending my days in your waiting room getting all the ailments under the sun. Where can you often find me? I made him laugh. I admitted that I was not the bravest when it came to blood tests. Now I sit and watch the claret flow. On the otherhand. Yes I am a horticulturist, I often use a watering can, but hey doc. I am starting to feel like one with all these holes in me. Either that or I am turning into a pin cushion. We always part on the best of terms, and a really good strong handshake to me says a lot. I have ventured into the garden the past couple of days. I tore out loads of campanula. Found a couple of fuchsias that had become wrapped up in it. Also, on what I call the pond island. I have two pine poles giving support to a couple of roses. Gertrude Jekeyyl and White something or other. The poles have rotted throuh so an urgent job. Bindweed has invaded from next door. Believe me. It really is so heart breaking. My downstairs neighbour. She always has a line, well now it's four linefulls of washing. The garden is a tip. Very seldom does she clear u
Hi Mike, you say it's painful to walk. Is it 'jarring' your spine? If so, have you thought about stress relief inner soles for your shoes. I have arthritis in my spine and use them all the time. I buy them from arco, (when I can't get work to supply them). They have small gel cushions in the heal. I find they work wonders for me.
Hi Pauline. Thanks ever so, but, not wishing to sound crude or rude. When I walk. It is like someone poking a broom handle up by jcksie and the end hitting the base of my skull. Crude but true.
Many apologies; I have only just read this thread and seen what you are going through. I can only echo what everyone on here has said - you are entering a period of transition and adjustment, coping with distressing and bewildering symptoms that take away your sense of self and facing a number of future treatments, investigations and follow-up appointments that seem beyond your control.
You took a very important and self-affirming step by sharing how you feel. Well done, that is the first step to reclaiming yourself. The second thing that you can do is get some help from people who know what is happening and how you may be feeling. There are people out there who can help you. Please have a look at these links: people who have had similar experiences to you will be able to help you.
Good luck. Remember you do have a choice in all of this. I know it can seem that you're on a conveyor belt, but trust me, all the Doctors and Nurses want to do is help you. It's just they've got other people to help too, so it seems like no-one cares about you and what you want. But you have the power to say no, if you choose to exercise it. And you also have the power to say yes.
Mike, don't worry about sounding crude if that's the best way to describe it. One simple way to find out if the gel inner soles will work is to try walking bare foot on a path, then on grass. If it is any better walking on the grass, then they may well help.
Whatever it is I hope it improves.
Thank you all.
I am sure that I will bounce back in time.
Please can we now close this thread.
Sorry Mike, just want to add my very best wishes to you, take care and hugs x