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Mike, im new here, im afraid i dont know you very well, but i do understand how you feel very well indeed, its odd when life reminds you that you are infact, mortal.
What you feel is entirely normal and rational, what you do now is important, you have so much to give, a wealth of knowledge. Your body may not do your bidding as well as??you would like but you have a brain, from what i can tell, quite a good one, if you cant do things the way you used to, then find another way, make it work, seek out your friends and live, little by little you will feel better.
Best wishes x

Mike, I'm not too knowledgeable on these things but from a family member's experience your body may still be in the post op shock and fatigue stage which can cause dreadful sudden onset of tiredness, anxiety and induce confusion and fear of what used to be everyday situations and anxiety about the future.  And as Pauline 7 says, medicationns can cause any number of negative responses as we are all different and can respond in many different ways in terms of side effects which can come on suddenly or over a period of recuperation etc.  Also, the psychological impact of what you and your body have had to go through can't be minimised .  Shock of all kinds can set in afterwards, as can panic attacks which more people suffer from than would readily tell or even recognise.  An uncharacteristic lack of confidence can hit all of a sudden when the body and particularly the mind starts to realise what you've recently been through and sometimes no amount of reassurance from others can make us feel as if we are in any way better.  Thinking and thinking it all through again is a hard part of the process of things having changed and feeling a lack of control over our lives which we felt we had before and which is part of our individual make-up.  Sometimes our body lets us know that it's had a hard time and it kicks in via the mind to remind us that we need a bit more time to heal physically and psychological before we have the strength and things back together again to fight on and gain confidence.

Don't keep any worries to yourself.  A problem shared can often be solved and give us the reassurance we need to go forward and know that we are not alone in what can be a scary time.  Speak to family, friends and especially your GP.  Don't try to cope on your own.  Sometimes reassurance from one person can make things clearer and solve some issues which we are unable to cope with ourselves.  There is no weakness in this - sometimes a word from the right direction is all it takes to build strength and the impetus to give ourselves a boost when we need it.  Friends know this but can be hesitant to intrude.  And friends sometimes would like to be needed at such times but need a signal that they can be allowed in.

Maybe you should also check with your doc that you are free of another urine infection.  They can turn us into nervous confused and extremely anxious individuals very quickly - as you may know already.  Have had experience of that.

Don't keep any worries to yourself.  x




Orchid Lady

I missed your post last night Mike, sorry.  It may be withdrawal symptoms from hugs, so sending lots ((((hugs)))).

Seriously though, it must be hard trying to take it easy when your really don't want to, but you have to do was you are told and give your body the best chance if recovering. Antibiotics can make your head fuzzy, as can painkillers (I don't know what you're taking?). I remember once I fell and hurt by back and the doc gave me painkillers, I couldn't walk after taking them for about an hour, they just knocked me out, maybe it's something like that.

Another thought, are you eating and drinking properly?  It may be something as simple as being dehydrated or undernourished and therefore lacking energy.  I don't know?? I'm not an expert so these are just thoughts.

Please take care of yourself and we are always here,but you know that now.  More hugs (((hugs))) Tracey xx

Read your post with empathy mike.

Fear is with us all.  To get scared after your operation seems a normal reaction.  My young sister had feelings of being frightened after her cancer treatment.  My own mum  has feelings of fear and confusion following a recent stroke.  I think the mind over reacts to such traumas.....they are new experiences that are hard to understand. Panic attacks.......never knew what they were until I saw my sister suffer from them......and the like create huge problems.

Mike, I think it's good you have this platform to "talk".  People dont talk....or LISTEN......enough yet talking is such a great therapy.

You will be just fine Mike.  Look forward to your threads....they are often quite unusual but always thought provoking 



Mike. (I hope you're sitting comfortably - this'll be a long post!!)

There are many things that could be making you feel like this; medication, a virus that's festering just under the surface, or - as happens to many of us - your emotions reacting perfectly normally to everything that has happened to you. You've realised you're not super human, I know it amazes us all but you've every right to feel afraid. You're an educated man you know exactly what COULD happen to you. You know to fear pain because it could mean problems. We would all expect these thoughts - even unknowingly - to be wandering around your head in the background festering, because truth be told we'd be worried if they weren't.

Yes bad stuff has happened. And it will take time for you to move on from this. Life is going to be very weird for a while.

I need you to call your doctor today - tell him how your feeling, all of it, even things you might not think worth troubling him with (they can often find clues in the strangest of places). He can then run tests if he thinks them necessary.

Also. I need you to remember that your muscles will have wasted a little while you were at home resting. Believe me it really doesn't take very long for muscles to get weak. I was hospitalised as a teenager for less than a week pretty much bed bound the entire time and even if I wanted to walk I could only do a few laps of the ward before I was tucked back into bed because I was "disturbing the other patients". Before that I was cycling at least 20 miles a day, on my feet all day at work, and walking the neighbours dog 10 miles in the evening - super fit and full of that cockiness only a teenage girl who drove a tractor before a car can have.


Even a month later I was still struggling to walk the neighbours dog just a few miles without having to stop for rests or have a nap to recover afterwards - I couldn't even get my bike out of the village as there was a steep hill that near killed me! I don't think I returned to full fitness for at least six months. And yes, it scared me, really scared me, especially when I found myself exhausted and needing to rest for three days just because I'd gone to the cinema with friends the night before.

But you know what really threw me? My BRAIN IS A MUSCLE TOO. And after weeks of being sat at home "recovering" relying entirely on my mother and my collection of books to feed and entertain me, having my routine dictated by hospital appointments, alarms to take drugs, not really seeing anyone, my brain had gone into a partial shut down. Coping with the outside world was now a challenge, when the woman at the counter asked me a question I had to REALLY think about an answer rather than just accepting what I was given, the idea of coping with cash horrified me it simply was too much for me to comprehend. I can remember thinking about how bright the outside world was - so garish and nasty as though everything was over saturated.


Even if the doctor signs you off as absolutely fine don't expect to be able to do quite as much as you used too. Not just yet. You need to build up yourself over time, set yourself little goals of very slowly getting back into your own routine baby stepping all the way. Remind yourself of what you used to do - groups you used to go to, be them gardening, Church, or simply visiting the museum for tea and cake.


Mentioning Church - does your group have a counselling service? I was very much helped by my local C of E Churches counselling group after my accident. They were all volunteers from all areas of life who went on a training course. They didn't mind if you were there because you'd been referred by your GP because you were having issues with alcohol or drugs, or whether you were just lost and afraid.
They were awesome. They did



Mike, I am sorry that this will be a very brief "medical " opinion as I am about to drive down to visit poorly mother. The absolutely most common cause of your current feelings is the UTI itself. See your GP, but it should start to improve with the antibiotics.

Get well soon.


Can't add anything to the excellent advice given above, Mike, but I do wish you well!


Painful post Mike.

Just wish you peace of mind and to say hang in there.  


There  are no pills for a broken heart Mike. Give yourself time to get over the shock of the op and see how you feel. If necessary talk to the Samaritans.


The Samaritans are there for people to talk to when they need to talk. That is all. Just another person to speak to. Nothing more.


Mike, can someone from your congregation borrow a wheelchair, and take you around Kew gardens for an hour or two.? It will be too much for you to walk, but staying in and staring at 4 walls drives me crackers. Too much time to think.  Check with your doc about changing antibiotics if these are giving you side effects. There is usually an alternative.


Or what about hiring a mobility scooter until you're feeling stronger - Pa loved his - it was British Racing Green. 

He had dreaded giving up his driving licence but his eyesight meant that he had to - but he said a mobility scooter brought him so much pleasure as he could stop and talk to people, which he couldn't do when he was driving a car.  


Am sure Mike will have the resolve to deal with his situation......cheers Mike 

Just a word about the Samaritans. Having been a Samaritan for a few years I know how much good they do ,how they have helped callers and how important it is to talk.  A call to the Samaritans can often be a life saver.  Many, many people simply do not have anyone to talk to and talking is so important. 

(I have great admiration for those Samaritans who continue year after year.....I did it for 3 years or so but it can be very draining)

Orchid Lady

I don't know what to say Mike.  I read your post last night and just couldn't think of anything that could say to make you feel better, a bit like Pauline it was in my head but I couldn't get it out. My heart goes out to you and really I just want you to know that we are all here for you, sending huge hugs and hoping they can help just a little.

Edd, I do think that was a bit harsh sorry.  Pansyface was just trying to help and the Samaritans  are there to help people and talk things through, not just for the suicidal.  Sometimes just talking to someone can help.

That's a good idea fidget, if only I lived nearer I would take you out might be like being in a rally but at least you'd be out 

Try to keep a smile somewhere in your pocket Mike and remember we are here xx



Best wishes Mike. Let's hope this 'Zombie' feeling passes soon, often a UTI can cause this feeling so bear with it, it will pass. Meanwhile, take it easy, ask a friend or family to be with you - enabling you to do some of the things you enjoy (rather than try on your own), not to nag or prevent (you have a life to live and enjoy) but to ensure safety, reassurance, a listening ear, a hand to hold and steady, a person who can help you  to enjoy life again on your terms.

Sometimes it is better to try and 'give in' to how you feel and allow yourself to rest and recuperate until your body (and mind) has healed itself. I don't mean that in a negative way but just allow your physical self to rest and recover. You have being through a lot lately and sometimes we expect ourselves to bounce back too quickly and don't realise that we need to react to the events that have happened even if the outcome has being more positive than we initially feared.

Try not to worry about what your future health will be just try and focus on one day at a time. I know this is easier said than done but I suffer from depression sometimes and have learnt that I just need to focus on managing how I feel now not how long it may last or how I might feel tomorrow.

I hope you begin to feel physically better and more like your usual self soon. We all wish you well and we need our valued elder statesman of the forum back on
form : )

sorry to hear you feel so down mike, i don't know you really but it doesn't seem to be your natural mindset, hold on today, look at the plants, enjoy the tiny details, i have a lot of help from a professional herbalist and have had acupuncture before, some complementary therapies can help slightly lessen any unpleasant side effects of meds and also help lift spirits, maybe even just reading some of these replies will lift you up a little, i'm easily pleased but smelling a rose makes me a tiny bit happy even for a second, then keep multiplying those tiny little flashes of light and happiness

the tidy gardener

gosh Mike that does sound like your having a terrible time of it at the moment, i really feel for you,you must feel so helpless with everything that's going on.

i think the feelings of "is that it" etc. are feelings that surely must be entirely natural at such a frightening time, you are questioning life itself, the meaning of it.

Im reading a biography of Tolsoy by a.n. Wilson, (sounds hard going but its very interesting and picked it up for 50p from the book farm) and altho he has just written war and peace, he is married, secure, wealthy, he is driving himself mad with worries of "is this it" everything he does, he thinks is pointless,as we are all going to die at the end of it all,he constantly worries that he will kill himself,even writing about it in anna karenin.

so even the biggest writers have the same worries as you have today! surely a sign of an intelligent person such as yourself.

whether in good health or bad. i guess what im trying to say, is it must be normal for these feelings,and they will not simply go away, you must learn what will work for you,and recognise they are thoughts, but intrusive ones.

counselling could help, and im sure being in your garden will bring some calm.

i wish you well through this difficult time x


Hi Mike, I'm so sorry I'm late to this thread but lots of people have been giving great advice as I've read through. Sometimes there are no easy answers to situations we find ourselves in or the hand that life has dealt us.What you have been through recently Mike is massive,you have been told you have cancer and had it operated on before being reassured it has all been removed.

However,you have had a huge reminder of your own mortality and that is going to impact on you in a big way.After all,how can it possibly not? I won't pretend I know what its like to be diagnosed with cancer and I don't want to come across as someone who thinks they do. I just don't know how you feel in that respect.That said,if its anxiety you are feeling,which I suspect it is,then that is something I am very much familiar with.I've lived on and off with that for almost 29 years and its something I never really get used to.In bad times it can colour almost every facet of my life.The simple everyday things like going to the local supermarket can become huge tasks that scare the living daylights out of me.Panic attacks,depression,the lot.

During those years I've learned to live one day at a time and sometimes literally.I bury my head in the sand and write poetry or garden,the soothing rhythms of plants are my companion and I've come to love my alone time in the garden.Once again though,please don't think I'm claiming to understand your own situation.Only that I do understand fear and hopelessness. The Samaritans are a great idea and are there to listen to people whether they feel suicidal or not.I myself take anti-depressants which work for some people but others not,depending on many different life factors.

Please know Mike that we care and are here to listen,nobody can guarantee you peace of mind but we can certainly try to help you attain it.