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Latest posts by Birdy13

The Bully and the Policeman

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 16:49




(Tea said: ... give us a bow.)


Will this do Tea?

or this

Sorry about the size - might be useful for 'big game'



(Must stop this tomfoolery now)

barking dogs

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 14:27

Hello Catbee

Just a couple of suggestions:

1. Get some photocopies of your blank time/occurrence sheet (or create your own on computer) so you can continue when the first one runs out, or your month runs out.

 I would hope you would still be able to get Environmental Health intervention even if the dog(s) didn't start up again until after the first month had finished. You might want to check this with the EH.

If you had a full record of subsequent re-occurrences of noise nuisance I can't see they could ignore it.

2. I watched a tv programme some years ago where they had found success training dogs to stop barking with an essential oil contraption on their collar that emitted its fragrance as soon as the dog started to bark. Apparently, the dog becomes distracted and intrigued by the new odour it immediately detects and stops barking to search out its origin.

No idea what it's called, though, and I'm not sure if you can get the same sort of thing for the shouty owners! 

How to care for old apple tree

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 13:28

These Bramleys are about the size of a healthy cricket ball, admittedly I well below the sizes they can reach. But they seem to be ripe - they certainly make wonderful stewed apple or a fruit compôte, and have just the right amount of tartness before adding sugar.



The Bully and the Policeman

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 12:43

  Found me out!

The Bully and the Policeman

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 12:13


The Bully and the Policeman

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 12:12

The Bully and the Policeman (conclusion)

The world is not a perfect place
You get what you put in;
Good friends and neighbours help us through
The thick and through the thin.

Some folk help and some folk hinder,
Some make better, some make worse,
You choose the type you want to be:
The blessing or the curse.

The bully may be bullied,
And the lazy made to work,
But choosing how our world goes round
Is something we can't shirk.

To him who cannot mediate
Life's not what he supposes:
It's what you choose to cultivate:
Pests - or beds of roses.

By "Birdy"

The Bully and the Policeman

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 12:11

The Bully and the Policeman (continued)

 The Station couldn't help, they said,
"You don't work here no more.
Try mediation," said The Station.
"Try knocking at his door."

Mediate? Intimidate
Is what I'd like to try!
I'll tear his hinges off his gate!
I'll make 'im want t' die!

One punch could once've sorted this!
Thought our expublic worker.
Keen and mean, I'd really lean
Upon this beeping shirker!

Harassment? I'd show you 'harass'
If still I had my youth!
I'd have 'im shaking in 'is shoes:
Hard or just uncouth!

But now uncouth was winning out,
Uncouth and youth was stronger;
His policemen days had felt too long
But now these felt much longer.

While trying to work with nature now
With weeds and pests embattled,
That garden pest was besting him
And really had him rattled.

Then at last he saw the parallel
And wished he had done more
To resolve the public grievances
That came now to his door.

He saw the waste of latter years
Once age had cooled his fire:
His desk, his chair, his thinning hair -
His waiting to retire.

But it wasn't meant to be like this,
He'd hoped to have more fun.
I tell you what: that policeman's lot
Was not a happy one.

X. X. X.


The Bully and the Policeman

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 12:09

The Bully and the Policeman (continued)

Suffice to say key issues raised
Put people in their place:
Procedure - Motivation -
Effort - Public Interface!

Whilst voices of authority
Agreed "We're all hard pressed",
"Too much concealed", "Too much revealed"
Were other views expressed.

Communication was the nub
And keeping to a plan.
But the rot that thrived within this hive
All pointed to one man.

"Improvements to our workforce
Must involve some snip and trim."
And amid reviews of timescales
There was one concerning him.

X. X. X.

It wasn't fair they all agreed
To blame it on one cop,
But once it was decided
T'was our sergeant got 'the chop'.

X. X. X.

The pension was a help of course
So now he didn't care.
From filing forms to mowing lawns
Meant breathing better air.

He basked away the summer days,
The hassles all behind,
And past events became a haze;
They troubled not his mind.

One day, amongst his roses
While reviewing life's events,
He heard the sound of garden tools:
A ladder? On his fence?

A rose head dropped upon the ground,
A 'Fortune's Double Yellow'!
Then, once his policeman voice he found
He then began to bellow.

The oaf next door sent back some oaths.
"How dare you! I'm a cop!"
The neighbour, grinning, stopped his trimming...
Then began to lop!

X. X. X.


The Bully and the Policeman

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 12:06

The Bully and the Policeman (continued)

It really used to mean something,
The cars, the crimes, the chase!
But now it's steps... and hedges ...
Meeting neighbours face to face!

Why can't I do it any more?
He nursed his aching dome.
The clock, he saw, said half past four.
An hour - then I'm home.

He started shifting papers
To his chum's place from his own,
A crime that was arrested by
The jangle of the 'phone.

"Hello!" "It's your Commissioner."
(Now - great consternation!)
"Its been agreed there is a need
To meet ... down at your station.

At three tomorrow I'll be there
I want to meet your team."
"Why, certainly! I'll order tea.
Oh! No tea!" (Silent scream)

He put the 'phone down rather slow
Then finished up his cup.
You have to know the time to go:
It's when you're all washed up.

Our sergeant, once a lively chap
Who'd not been one to cower,
Attended as instructed
On the dread appointed hour.

The mood was strong, the meeting long
For the officers of our laws;
Discussions and decisions
Had to stay behind closed doors.


The Bully and the Policeman

Posted: 03/09/2013 at 12:04

The Bully and the Policeman (continued)

"It's me again," he said in pain,
"They pushed me off their hedge!"
"I'm sorry sir, we cannot stir;
Er, were you 'on the edge'?"

"How dare you so insinuate!
My mental health's just fine;
I think you stall. I never fall,
I'm stable every time!"

The sergeant and his constable
('one coffee and one tea')
Had had to break off from their break
True policemen for to be.

"You sure your ladder's fixed alright?
We all can make mistakes,"
The sergeant said, with aching head,
While reaching for the cakes...

"I set my steps on ground well firm
Whereon they always stand:
The place exact, the ground compact,
As I survey their land."

Considering this latest thought
The sergeant gave a groan;
Beseechingly, across the desk
He offered up the 'phone.

Two policemen held each other's gaze -
One sergeant, one PC,
Ignoring papers, piles and files,
One coffee and one tea.

"One moment sir," the sergeant said.
"It's you-know-who again,"
He breathed. "You go. It's not my shout,
I need to rest my brain."

His chum got up. "Oh, by the way..."
He reached across the table
To where his coffee beckoned him,
"Our caller thinks he's stable."

"Oh, so it's not the other one,
She phoned the other day?"
"Well that might be, you'll have to see,
Now, best be on your way."

He watched the PC close the door,
Then said "It's my belief:
When duty calls you've got to go."
And sat down with relief.

Our sergeant then got lost in thought:
Them others aren't so bad,
But... I'm not so sure 'bout 'im next door!'
His features went all sad.

Now! Felons! thought the sergeant...
And his features went majestic:
Now them I'll meet! They're up my street!
... I just can't do 'domestic'!

Good policing is the thing, he thought,
And sucked upon a toffee...
Then sagged again with aching brain
And stirred his cup of coffee.

Crime ain't what it used to be:
The villains and the scum.
But he shuddered at the thought of it
And what he had become.


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