Posted: 16/03/2014 at 18:56
well folks, after years of suffering from oppressive and often aggressive foreign invasion and rule over a large raised area of land by an imperialist regime consisting of weeds, today was the day the rightful owner of the land decided to launch an offensive to claim back the land for the plants.
arriving some years ago to exploit the natural resources and fertility of the land (sound like the british empire dont they! ), they have since become a formidable opponent, forming strong defensive units across the land in difficult to penetrate areas, with particular strongholds around the mountainous old conifer stumps consisting of dandelions, tough grasses and other units of similar refusal-to-die characteristics. overthrow of the regime would not be a simple task.
deciding to take the opportunity to strike when the regime least expected it, the offensive began at 1200 hours when the weed units were basking in the unusually warm spring sunshine and their guards down, knowing a wound left open to the scorching sun would burn their strong roots with fatal consequences. this also saved offensive energy, lots of quick easy wounding and causing slow deaths amongst the ranks, saving valuable energy to confront the stronger units.
weapons at the disposal of the land owner were minimal, with only a carbon steel hand fork and waterproof gloves being brave enough to lead the front line into attack.
the day's battle ended at 1700 hours, with considerable ground being gained and a strong offensive front line established approximately 1 quarter into the mainland. as with any battle, there were considerable losses. on the offensive side, a slightly sore back, hands, and worn hand fork were reported, however the enemy suffered considerably. its at this point it seems right to honour those who fought incredibly resiliently for the enemy, who simply refused to be dug up and die. so we say RIP to the following privates, corporals, leutenants and sergeants of dandelions, grasses and other unknown enemies (these were a handful of many)
and here is how the battlefield looks after day one of battle:
it would also be fitting to commend the work of general C.S Hand Fork and field marshal W. Gloves. bravo!
enemy positions have been noted for the next attack to be commenced on an unknown date. the following units have been spotted in their droves: