Dordogne Damsel

Latest posts by Dordogne Damsel

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Worries & troubles that affect Forum friends - part 2

Posted: 26/06/2016 at 22:15


Wish me luck

Posted: 26/06/2016 at 22:14

Well done Lou, great feeling crossing that finishing line ( for all sorts of reasons). 

I always lose a toenail or two that's usually the bloody bit but you will survive and probably do another one too, you have that PB to aim for now. 

Enjoy the rest and recuperation and huge congratulations, well done. 

Worries & troubles that affect Forum friends - part 2

Posted: 26/06/2016 at 22:04

Hi Lizzie, thanks, don't worry though all ok. ( for now). Very very kind of you and reassuring to know you are there. 

Big thanks to all contributors to the thread, all advice, shared experiences and support gratefully received. 

Tricky to explain what / how the situation is here.  On the surface all is normal, but massive (insurmountable and unacceptable) problems lie beneath the surface. OH likes to micro manage everything, in his eyes it is all about doing the best for us. Sadly, as over the last 12 months or so I have tried to break free of this suffocating control things got more and more difficult as he gets so upset/angry if I am not right here in the house where he can see me or not back exactly when he expects me to be. 

For Charlie's sake I have tried to comply with his wishes to buffer the conflict and tension - as long as I 'did as I was told' it was always happy families.  But it isn't a sustainable peace and I can't live that and the cracks were starting to show so Charlie was beginning to work things out for himself anyway. 

I always try to answer Charlie honestly but soften the edges as it were, Daddy's tired, he doesn't mean to be grumpy etc. etc. I am just not ready to fully explain what our plans are to Charlie yet as I think it will be more worrisome - "We are splitting up but I don't know when or where we will live" is a bit too open ended for him. As soon as it becomes imminent (sooner rather than later I hope) we can explain it to him together and reassure him that things will be ok, different but ok. 

One good thing is that for all OHs very strange ways he does adore Charlie and I am really hoping that will be the driving force in him doing the decent thing and providing for us so we can be safe and secure. 

In the meantime while Charlie is about life is as normal as possible, luckily he is always busy and out at clubs or at friend's houses or has friends over here so is engrossed in that. Daddy has always worked long hours and spends hours in his office so there is an element of distance already. I won't lie to him but he doesn't need too many details, especially just yet and then he only needs to know how it affects him or enough to settle his worries. 

My biggest worry right now is whilst we are so busy keeping up appearances OH will start thinking everything is ok and all my troublecausing will go away. Such a fine line to walk.

Don't want to be political at all but the Brexit outcome couldn't have come at a worse time for me, major financial implications ( house value / exchange rate) and of course all the state help I would have been entitled to should I need it is now in jeopardy not to mention health care & educational fees. I am sure it will be fine but another level of uncertainty when everything else is already uncertain. 

Anyway, that's my worries for now, thank you all for allowing me to share them and being so supportive and helpful, indeed just for being there. I am (and have been all evening) up in my room like a naughty school girl feeling very isolated but not wanting to go downstairs and pretend all is normal. Tapping away on my kindle, desperately trying to keep the spellchecker under control has at least kept me occupied. 

Good night all. 

Wish me luck

Posted: 26/06/2016 at 10:04

Very best wishes Lou, I've done a few marathons and I can honestly say they were some of the best days of my life (afterwards), great achievement, not just physical it's mental as well.

I hope it goes well for you and well done on the fundraising. 

Enjoy the pub afterwards too. 

Worries & troubles that affect Forum friends - part 2

Posted: 26/06/2016 at 09:24

Hi there,

Just a quick hello. I am ok, bit tired and had a long day yesterday and of course that always makes things seem worse than they are but I will bounce back. 

Met a fabulous lady yesterday who has been through exactly what I have been through and come out the other side and she was full of advice and encouragement, also lots of local contacts for help and support. Boosted my confidence.

So far, we have not discussed this imminent split with Charlie and I try very hard to shelter him from any tension, tricky, as it can often mean I let things go when I shouldn't but I don't want him to suffer. It does mean I look a bit like a doormat at times and this is something else I was concerned about, I don't want him to think it is right to treat women like that, or think that OHs bullying is normal or acceptable. Kids are not stupid though, he often just looks at me across the table in a way that shows he knows Daddy is wrong but obviously knows its better not to speak. 

I did try to change my GW name yesterday but it felt wrong so I changed it back. Enough turmoil in my life at the moment. If he is reading my stuff I don't think he is doing it through here, he is a computer geek and has keystroke readers and such like so it wouldn't make any difference anyway. And if he were reading it might understand how much he has hurt me. He is very dismissive of the GW forum too and I don't think he has any idea what wonderful friendships we have formed, he doesn't have one real friend never mind a virtual one, I don't think he understands the concept of friendship. I do think it was my e-mails and phone calls he was monitoring and now I have told him we are splitting up I have nothing to hide so I am not going to. 

Gosh, I hope that doesn't sound too bolshy, obviously I am upset by the whole thing but I need to be brave and confident, no room for doubt now and with everyone being so understanding it really helps. 

Anyway, I'm ok, the sun is shining and I am alive and well (if a bit sleepy).  Ever onwards. 


Posted: 26/06/2016 at 08:48

Morning All,

Bit tired this morning after long day yesterday, Charlie's school fete, lots of baking and organising to get done, full B&B and then went off to work at a French wedding until an unearthly time this morning. So tired I ended up sleeping downstairs, didn't have the energy to get up them. Then of course, typical, I was woken up at 6 am by a guest taking her 3 little dogs out for a 'pee pee'. Had to jump up off the sofa quick and make out I was up and dressed early - of course I always wear black and white waitressing clothes to serve breakfast in my own home don't I and my short hair is a very 'modern 'bed head' cut, it costs a fortune to get it to stick up like that, smile and grin, smile and grin.   

Off to jogging club shortly too, I must be mad I know, but I can't let my ladies down.  Least is is sunny out there. 

Apart from the late finish, the wedding was lovely, so different from the English ones I do at the chateau, this one was in a little village hall and only 55 people for the meal, although quite a lot more for the aperitifs. Very relaxed long evening meal, it was after midnight before we even got to dessert, never mind coffee, and all the family were included in lots of nice little party games and mini little shows, lovely, lovely people. 

Right have to get the washing on now before I set off jogging, all 3 rooms check out today but no - one (yet)  checking in today, I was hoping for a quiet afternoon but Charlie is asking if I will call some of his friends over for a pool party, doesn't really tie in with my plans but what can I say. 

Hope you all have a nice day, catch up properly later. 

Last edited: 26 June 2016 08:50:22

Worries & troubles that affect Forum friends - part 2

Posted: 24/06/2016 at 09:07

Thank you Hosta. xxxx


Posted: 24/06/2016 at 08:17

Morning All,

Woke up to a very scary thunderstorm - and that was just the weather, then I saw the news.  Keep calm and carry on is the best phrase I can think of for the moment, but I see myself applying for French citizenship asap, unfortunately have to wait another 3 years yet.As if I haven't got enough uncertainty to worry about in my life right now. But, at least the garden had a good water. 

Enjoy your day out with the roses ladies, glad to hear the forecast is good. 

Good day to all, h*******k here, B&B full again. 

Worries & troubles that affect Forum friends - part 2

Posted: 23/06/2016 at 21:11

Evening all, 

Just a quick update, first of all to thank you for the masses of support I have received on this thread and via PMs. I cannot tell you how much it means. My OH is extremely plausible and manipulative and even if he is doing it with the very best of intentions (for him anyway) I know what he is suggesting as a solution is not right. Listening to your stories and advice has really helped me focus and stay strong, I know what I want and I know what I am duly entitled to. I also know it will not be easy getting it but I will persevere.

And, at the end of the day (what an tiresome expression) if I walk away with my dignity in tact and my freedom that will be enough, my conscience will be clear and I will be able to answer my son honestly with any questions he may have in the future. 

All I really want is a stable home for him anyway, I will work all hours to make sure he is provided for but I need a safe base to do it from. And, when I met OH (what a fateful day that was) I had a house, a business and a car, which unfortunately is what I have now, but all in his name not mine - how did that happen???

Anyway, my head is held high, I won't be brow beaten again into submissiveness, I am determined to come out of this stronger and am already planning my new garden, even if it a tiny plant pot on a high rise council flat balcony. 

Again thank you all for believing in me and backing me up, the trust is amazing and the positive vibes are reaching me loud and clear in this truly bizarre and surreal moment in my life. Oops. crying again, not supposed to be doing that. BGPs time if anyone knows what that means.  Good night. 


Posted: 23/06/2016 at 20:47

Good night all, thinking of you. 

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