Posted: 29/03/2015 at 18:28
I am sorry for you loss and understand your desire to have an attractive grave to visit. I think you've made a good decision taking up the wildflowers and planting roses and bulbs but you can still plant things to attract bees and other insects.
Are the fairy roses tall enough to be underplanted with something like hardy geraniums? These come in a variety of colours from white through pinks and purples to blue and also vary in size and leaf forms and their flowers are attractive to insects so will keep the wildflower theme going for you.
Geums are good doers and also come in a variety of flower colours on the warm side of the spectrum if they will look better with the flowers of your roses. BOth geraniums and geums will disguise the dying foliage of teh bulbs once they go over.
Lavender is a classic plant combination with roses but again depends on their size. Munstead and Hidcote are hardy and floriferous and adored by insects such as bees. They need to be trimmed back after flowering finishes to keep them neat and compact, just cutting into the top inch of the foliage to keep them healthy. You could use them as a small hedge round the edge of the grave with other plants inside.