Frank/Dad-you're not really the Duke of Edinburgh are you? What on earth would Madge say....
Fairygirl/Daughter, "how did you guess", I will be parking my racing carriage and four behind your house, they should keep the lawn manured.
Mummy I was in the army and promoted to the mess at a young age, the entree to such honoured heights was to be able to sink a pint in seconds at games night and therefore drink all the young officers under the table and then sing all the dirty words to every song you ever knew. I was not a bad Tenor in my time and could also play piano so it also meant I had to empty the row of beers on top of the piano now and again so it could be filled up, I often slept under the piano for the couple of hours before being on Parade ready willing and gleaming bright as a button stick, the best engineering training you could get.
Young girls are not for me Joan was older than me and I never cast an eye anywhere else, when you have the best don't spoil it and I do miss her.
MY problem is one over the road casting eye's my way and she is not a widow yet and the girl who's dog I mind telling me her mother thinks I am lovely, she is a widow, I have told Duaghters to buy thannet wire and machine gun nests from Ikea as I need protection.