Latest posts by Palaisglide

Temporarily remove turf

Posted: 10/03/2017 at 15:30

This all depends on what your original instructions were. If you said lay a lawn he has done that probably realising the door would be a problem but expecting you to know about it and have plans to fix it. If you told him the door opened out then he should lay some slab or brick lower than the door, we have to be specific when ordering work to be done although a good Gardener would probably have queried the door. You may just have to pay for the work done, fit your own blocks or ask the Gardener to do it as an extra, if nothing was written down or his estimate was To Lay Lawn then I cannot see you getting any joy. Mention it see what he or she says (one never knows these days) and then ask, if it is job done as agreed then arguing will not help though a fix may be suggested, try is all you can do but you will have to pay for the work done.


Damp, soggy low corner of lawn

Posted: 10/03/2017 at 15:14

Is the bad corner in the shade which way does the sun move around the garden and yes you will find modern builders compact the base with machinery never re-dig it lay the thinnest top soil on then turf. It usually ends up in time digging it all out laying drainage lifting the soil depth then laying a proper lawn.

For now, most lawns are very wet and you should keep off it until it dries out a bit that means any work will be done in around a months time or even later depending on which part of the UK you live. I would remove the turf from under the fence panels as it has no chance, I am assuming that is the damp corner, dig out a bit of the soil lay a membrane and use some sort of slate or pebble filling this will tidy up and help drain it a bit. Or you could start a border with some plants that will take some of the water up. You have all lawn and paving, the water has nowhere to go and the amount that has fallen this winter it is bound to be wet.

That is only emergency advice as any major work will depend on your finances and time to do the work, there is no quick fix, draining properly will mean removing large bits of the lawn and then re-laying again where would you drain it too? Borders are ideal and will take a lot of the water falling on the lawn, the plants or small fruit trees if that fence gets any sun will take up surplus water.

Sorry to tell it as it is any quick fixes will be just that and you will be doing it again next year, lawns take work as mine do and they were put down properly. Good luck.


Is this fair?

Posted: 10/03/2017 at 14:15

Learnt it the hard way Verdun writing Patrol reports for the Unit War Diary. Left perimeter at 22:31, with Patrol of six men, no moon, set off for known infiltration track. One click out sudden attack from rear, gave order to take cover and ready weapons, discovered it was Private Blob yet again discharging weapon unintentionally. Threatened to bayonet him without entrance wound as I would use existing hole in his miserable body. Patrol now useless returned to perimeter, accidentally clobbered private Blob's earl with Butt of Rifle, nothing to report Sir or Cur depending on how mad I was.

You live and learn lad.


Is this fair?

Posted: 10/03/2017 at 10:11

To day a Policeman called, "are you Verdun" "err yes" Did you at an unspecified time yesterday purloin and masticate a large bar of Chocolate. Guilty as charged hoficer, you will accompany me and the armed response team to the nick in our very black Maria. On knees pleading, Hoficer it was only a small bar, "err well maybe this big" stretching arms out, but there were mitigating circumstances. "Oh what were they" well it was there looking inviting. That is no defence my Police woman Partner is standing here looking very inviting, are you going to eat her. Verdun do not put ideas in my head, Police woman simpers I mean Verdun keeps telling us he is handsome well so where some of Londons cabs.

Handcuffs applied, armed response unload weapons Policewoman takes Verdun in a very tight grip, one arm up his back and the other hand clutching his rear end in a not very loving grasp. "OOER hoficer is that your hand or your teeth I have heard of love bites but that it a bit heavy" shut your chocolate covered face and get in the van. Verdun disappears in a haze of black exhaust as they whip the horses into action and they do what horses do, hard luck on the driver up front and hard luck on Verdun locked in the back with Amorous Police woman.

Will he reach the lock up in one piece, will his eyes be shining or black, will the horse make it up the hill to Pendennis Castle or fall into Falmouth Bay. Tune in next week for the next exciting episode.


What is your weather like? (2)

Posted: 10/03/2017 at 09:49

I took one look and knew the suns gone astray

One look and knew today would be a dull day

Cleveland Hills have vanished a sea mist covers the bay

Cool and damp cannot see this going away

Not a day to make hay as they say, here in Stockton.

Apologies to the Song writers, had to stop in mid verse as my Porridge was done.


Is this fair?

Posted: 09/03/2017 at 23:01

You have done such a naughty thing, naughty thing,

The local Constable is sure to ring, sure to ring

Then into that  Cell your body they fling they fling

You will hear those local lads all sing, lads all sing.

A policeman lot is not a happy one a happy one

A policeman job is never ever done ever done.

They are Cornish Police Verdun.


Lawn water logged.

Posted: 09/03/2017 at 22:51

What Part off the UK are you, parts have had a lot of water on them this winter and a lot will be waterlogged. Keep off it for a month, get through March and into April then have a good look at it. The usual way is to dig a small hole and see if it is full or fills with water in a dry period.

If it does need drainage a big job depending on how you decide to do it, then you may need to raise the lawn a bit, you will need to remove the grass to drain but digging over what is under the grass then putting another layer of fresh soil on that before laying your new lawn should help.

As I said leave it, see if it dries out and early spring would be the best time to start work they do not call it the growing season for nothing. Hope this helps but come back if you need to.


Is this fair?

Posted: 09/03/2017 at 16:30

Verdun, it depends ! was it Fair trade chocolate if so it is fair, if it was produced by five year olds in Timbuctoo then you should be made to suffer, on second thoughts you may. What if knowing your light fingered habits it had been unwrapped and replaced with  exlax  the stomach upheaval would indeed cure you of purloining other peoples heavenly moment of which you have deprived them, you may yet find yourself ensconced on the big white throne wishing you had not succumbed to that moment of pure madness. My sentence would be seven Hail Mary's then made to eat all the hand holds  on seven Oggies including the dirty finger marks, you never know where those hands have been.

Which reminds me there is a big cream and jam Dough nut sitting in the kitchen, daughter left it I think by mistake, well hard luck I say as I will shortly be wiping cream off my face.

You little devil you Verdun.


Temporarily remove turf

Posted: 09/03/2017 at 15:00

Gnome, Two of my lawns are hard up against walls i use the strimmer it works perfectly well. We all had to start from the beginning and sometimes we see a picture not taking everything into account. Paves under the door will do the job and the mower will run over them if low enough.

Ask away on here we all had to learn and obviously do not mind giving you many and varied solutions, you read them then take your pick.


Temporarily remove turf

Posted: 09/03/2017 at 11:19

In the days you drove old cars or motor bikes repairs were done at home in the garage. There would often be inflammable liquids in there for vehicle and greenhouse. I often had blow torches in use a quite explosive risk. Turning with the aforsaid blow lamp and setting fire to the pile of oily rags, the tent you hung to dry five years ago, the shirt you had removed when the lady next door was working oposite the window, had to show off hairy chest you know, or even setting fire to said hairy chest, it was out and head first into the pond. Fiddling to pull a door open cost you a loss of hair, you burst out, which my ladies is why the side door opens out. Any questions?


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