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YewJay


Latest posts by YewJay

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GardenIng jokes

Posted: 27/02/2014 at 18:54

Wow!!  Those vehicles are terrific!!   I expect they are fairly springy and resistant to being bashed too.    I don't know how they would go for insurance here though.

Pity!  It would be nice to include cars in "Grow your own"

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 25/02/2014 at 21:50

Oh, here's another Anagram, but it might be a bit outdated now  -  even if very accurate!

I AM GORDON BROWN    --    MAD ON BORROWING.

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 25/02/2014 at 21:45
Ashleigh 2 wrote (see)

 What do you call a country where the people drive only pink cars?
 A pink carnation.

Do they all wear a White Sports Coat too?

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 25/02/2014 at 10:42

Just a thought that isn't gardening related exactly, but quite pertinent to todays world!!

My son came home from school one day,

With a smirk upon his face.

He decided he was smart enough,

To put me in my place.

 

Guess what I learned in Civics Two,

That's taught by Mr. Blites?

It's all about the laws today,

The "Children's Bill of Rights."

 

It says I need not clean my room,

Or even cut my hair.

No one can tell me what to think,

Or do, or what to wear.

 

I have freedom from religion,

And regardless what you say,

I don't have to bow my head,

And I sure don't have to pray.

 

I can wear earrings if I want,

And pierce my tongue & nose.

I can read & watch just what I like,

Get tattooed from head to toes.

 

And if you ever spank me,

I'll lead you quite a dance,

I'll charge you with ill-treatment

And you don’t stand a chance.

 

Don't you ever touch me,

My body's for my use,

Not for your hugs and kisses,

That's just more child abuse.

 

Don't preach about your morals,

Like your Mama did to you.

It's nothing more than mind control,

And that's illegal too!

 

Mom, I have these children's rights,

They’re given me by law

I can call out Welfare Services,

And you’ll be in trouble, sure

 

Of course my first instinct was

To toss him out the door.

But the chance to teach a lesson

Made me think a little more.

 

I mulled it over carefully,

I couldn't let this go.

A smile crept upon my face,

He's messing with a pro.

 

Next day I took him shopping

At the local Charity Store.

I told him, "Pick out all you want,

There are shirts & pants galore.

 

I've called and checked with Welfare.

Who said they had no cares

If I bought you Woolworths shoes

Instead of those Nike Airs.

 

I've cancelled that appointment

To take your driver 's test.

Welfare is quite unconcerned

So I'll decide what 's best.

 

I said "No time to stop and eat,

Or pick up stuff to munch.

And tomorrow you can start to learn

To make your own packed lunch.

 

Just save the raging appetite,

And wait till dinner time.

We're having liver and onions,

A favourite dish of mine".

 

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,

To watch on my VCR?"

"Sorry, I’ve sold your TV,

For new tyres on my car.

 

I also rented out your room,

You'll take the couch instead.

‘Cause Welfare says you only need

A roof over your head.

 

Your clothing won't be trendy now,

And I'll choose what we eat.

That allowance that you used to get,

Will buy me something neat.

 

I'm selling off your jet ski,

Dirt bike and roller blades,

Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights,"

That’s in effect these days!"

 

This, of course, is not politically correct but I love it!!

 

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 25/02/2014 at 10:23

SNOOZE ALARMS   -----------     ALAS   NO MORE Z'S

 

I don't use these now, and quite often wake up later than intended.

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 24/02/2014 at 19:21

Hey Verdun. if you like those Anagrams I have quite a few, but not really gardening ones.

Try    SLOT MACHINES    --   CASH LOST IN ME.

Or     A DECIMAL POINT   --   I'M A DOT IN PLACE.

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 24/02/2014 at 19:13

Here's another one as above

Question   How do you delay milk turning sour?  Answer  Keep it in the cow!     The boy concerned got an A

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 24/02/2014 at 19:07

This is a genuine answer to a GCSE exam question in 2004  ---  --

Question How is dew formed.   Answer  The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

There.  That's a bit closer to gardening but I'm not sure if it is funny or pathetic!

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 24/02/2014 at 18:55

THE EARTHQUAKES.    if you rearrange the letters becomes   THAT QUEER SHAKE!

And ELEVEN PLUS TWO Believe it or not becomes  TWELVE PLUS ONE!!  and that is a Bakers Dozen and has nothing to do with gardening!!

GardenIng jokes

Posted: 23/02/2014 at 23:43

Hi Keyser Soze.

Certainly no offense intended and I hope none taken.                       

Oh yes   ---   What about the chap who was sent a jar of Plums in Brandy for Xmas.

He replied that he didn't like Plums   --  but he appreciated the spirit in which they were sent!

1 to 10 of 27

Discussions started by YewJay

Talkback: How to repot orchids

I understood that Orchids should always be potted in clear pots as their roots require light. If this is not so please explain why. 
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Last Post: 25/02/2014 at 13:38

Talkback: Wet weather on the veg plot

Luckily, all my vege crops are either in a polytunnel or in raised beds. I mean RAISED beds 28" high and with a special mix which is water ... 
Replies: 18    Views: 1039
Last Post: 15/07/2012 at 16:47
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