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-arrivals at the ball are beginning to lose their energy - their ties are loosened and they sit smiling in the corner (slightly cross eyed) rather than strutting their stuff centre stage. The grasses have reached their full - if rather understated - magnificence

dramatic example I saw was in Hong Kong where it was used as scaffolding around towering skyscrapers. It seems extraordinary that something as seemingly flimsy can be tied together with string to make something that will support the weight of people

straining bolts attached to vine eyes, which is all very nautical and satisfying. Maintenance is easy - a quick haircut twice a year and tying the shoots into the straining wires with string. A relatively simple way to turn a bit of an ugly duckling into a

was tied to a chair and whipped with an electric flex).I could go on but may come over as unnecessarily curmudgeonly. To conclude: any daffodil with pink in it should be burnt and wishy washy variegated phormiums should be recycled prior to germination

and frolicsome fairies (incidentally, if you feel that you need protection from fairies then you should carry twigs of hawthorn, ash and oak tied together with red thread).Among other interesting stories: hawthorn used to be called 'bread and cheese' because

maintained a certain decorum - ties, waistcoats and (for the head gardener) a black hat and heavy fob watch. Not for them a pair of holey jeans and a sweater grimy with compost and dusted with spilled rooting powder.Nowadays anything goes. I have laid a patio

I have never been good with tangles. Snaggled kite strings drive me dotty. Gordian knots of fishing line result in much swearing. Bricklaying lines that, if left alone for a couple of minutes, mysteriously tie themselves into intricate clove hitches

too much - or at all. Otherwise you end up trying to drag collapsed plants upright, which never works. We've all seen things tied to canes, looking very uncomfortable and more like tethered voodoo effigies than plants.

that are still viable. (iv) Plant the seeds that my very efficient wife has ordered. (v) Divide grasses and some herbaceous plants. (vi) Prune and tie back climbing roses. (vii) Cut back willows and dogwoods - although this can wait a bit. (viii) Plant bare