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well folks, after years of suffering from oppressive and often aggressive foreign invasion and rule over a large raised area of land by an imperialist regime consisting of weeds, today was the day the rightful owner of the land decided to launch an offensive to claim back the land for the plants.

arriving some years ago to exploit the natural resources and fertility of the land (sound like the british empire dont they!

), they have since become a formidable opponent, forming strong defensive units across the land in difficult to penetrate areas, with particular strongholds around the mountainous old conifer stumps consisting of dandelions, tough grasses and other units of similar refusal-to-die characteristics. overthrow of the regime would not be a simple task.

deciding to take the opportunity to strike when the regime least expected it, the offensive began at 1200 hours when the weed units were basking in the unusually warm spring sunshine and their guards down, knowing a wound left open to the scorching sun would burn their strong roots with fatal consequences. this also saved offensive energy, lots of quick easy wounding and causing slow deaths amongst the ranks, saving valuable energy to confront the stronger units.

weapons at the disposal of the land owner were minimal, with only a carbon steel hand fork and waterproof gloves being brave enough to lead the front line into attack.

the day's battle ended at 1700 hours, with considerable ground being gained and a strong offensive front line established approximately 1 quarter into the mainland. as with any battle, there were considerable losses. on the offensive side, a slightly sore back, hands, and worn hand fork were reported, however the enemy suffered considerably. its at this point it seems right to honour those who fought incredibly resiliently for the enemy, who simply refused to be dug up and die. so we say RIP to the following privates, corporals, leutenants and sergeants of dandelions, grasses and other unknown enemies (these were a handful of many)




and here is how the battlefield looks after day one of battle:


 it would also be fitting to commend the work of general C.S Hand Fork and field marshal W. Gloves. bravo!

 enemy positions have been noted for the next attack to be commenced on an unknown date. the following units have been spotted in their droves:



 we await an intelligence report of the identification of these enemies, so we can better establish the most efficient way of defeating them and finally claiming victory


last one's a bramble

next last is red deadnettle. not a problem, bees like it

Lovely post djjjuk, I felt through the sb

The second one is red dead nettle, Lamium purpureum, and the third is bramble, Rubus fruticosus. I'm not sure about the first pic, I thought it was groundsel from the small photo but it clearly isn't on enlargement.

Advertisement that IS an offensive..............(attack as opposed to post I should add)

Well done you..............there must be a Medal of some description which should be awarded..............that is if you are able to stand upright to collect it  - bearing in mind the slightly sore back............only slightly ??

Your commentary cheered me up no end.............thanks

philippa, the back and hands are no problem. the offensive would have continued but daylight hours were in short supply and the front line needed refreshments

thanks for the ID of those 2. there's not that much of the bramble, most of it is grass and dandelions. its well worth the effort to dig it properly, ive dug each bit a foot or so deep removing as much root material as possible. it will be great to plant stuff in it hopefully by autumn

The only problem with this offensive is that other weed seeds will now be exposed to light which will tend to germinate but a further offensive in 2/3 weeks will eradicate this new problem and more desirable specimens can be planted.

My father always said that if you keep the outsides looking OK then themes will look after themselves - ever decreasing circles.
hollie hock

Brilliant, looks like your winning the war


Well done.  What a battle.  What a hero.  I can see the wounded but your general hand fork and marshal gloves look tired.  Please pass on my respect to them for they have clearly given their all.  Hopefully, they will be ready for the next battle and do you proud again. 

I am sure too that you, yourself, will be mentioned on high Djjjuk.  

Just re-read my last post... "themes" should read "the middles" - bl**dy predictive setting on this phone!

any ideas on the first unidentified weed? by the way, i forgot to take a photo at the time but another one i pulled up looked like a bit like lavender in its leaves, but very green, no flowers. no idea what that was either but maybe someone might know from my vague description ...?

The first one looks a bit like a heather. Not many plants are in flower this early in the year...

Was the first weed one of many or just the one. If there's more of it on the bits you haven't done yet, a photo of it growing might help.


hi, there were about 3/4 small pieces of it- all small that size. ill see if i can get a photo in the morning, it will be dark by the time i get back tonight.

Fab read. Glad you seem to be winning the battle .

I must admit I've had a similar battle with an inherited allotment plot whose previous invaders just sat on their laurels and let the weeds rule. Back and hands sore, but progress has been good.


Ok, then we can have another try, something to give scale as well, your finger maybe  but not over the lens


Thanks Igrow.............I've just spent a couple of hours making a start on my new allotment ( which is covered in weeds ) and whilst engaged on this task, kept my brain active by trying to work out what "themes" had to do with outsides...  Now I get you


Lovely post