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Somebody keeps putting soil on my allotment each night. It's a complete mystery. The plot thickens.....

Gardening Grandma

Some gardeners put horse manure on their rhubarb. We have custard.


Why can't the Maris Piper ever be King?

Because he's a common-tater

cufcskim wrote (see)

British Summertime

What a wit!!


Knock Knock

Who's there?


Lettuce who?

Lettuce in or I'll climb through the window

From my Uncle Dave - he who eats potatoes and then peas on the same plate is unhygienic


Oh boy, Vernun ,you clever clogs to think of this post! I bet you did not realise how resorceful we gardeners are. Mine are all a bit soiled........I'll put them in an intensive wash programme and then try!Meanwhile, still snow, sleet and hail here. Can we have some of your sunshine... PLEASE.

Ok jatnikapyar
Sending you sun today.
I've seen new side to,forum over past couple,of weeks.....caring people, funny people as well as knowledgeable gardening people.

I agree Verdun,I feel truely blessed to have found this forum. It's good lighthearted banter to cheer us up; and yes,some warmth and sun will complete it all!

By the way, have ordered some more garden furniture....they are so desperate. Ordered afternoon yesterday, delivering today! So all that is missing is the sun.

Bev Pounsett-Krynauw wrote (see)

Love this thread- can't think of any joke to add

But we can just enjoy reading them Bev!


Grow your own dope - plant a man.



TT - hilarious - sorry chaps  



Thank you Lorraine. 


Tina, I'm offended by that comment. I'm gast has never been so flabbered
..........sorry, got bit of lurgy still so that's best I can summon at mo.
Don't worry, I expect I'll survive but I have been sneezing too so,I'm prepared for the worst
It means though I can spend more time on the forum.....which is nice

No your not Verdun!  Stop being a drama queen. 

I've been out and it is sooooo cold.  Bitter wind, so you stay indoors in the warm.


Overheard as my friend was showing a tour group round the Bristol University Botanic Garden "Ah, these are my favourites - not too big, not too small, juct the Epimedium."  The group roared with laughter too!  I did not smile when he pointed out me and another gardener busily weeding on the Mediterranean bank as "Those are Italian peasants" as it was a very hot day (yes, we do have them sometimes" and we were feeling it.  I suppose our sun hats were a bit comical.  That group laughed too. One of those days I will mingle with the group and stay out of sight at the back just to find out what makes them titter as they listen to his jokes.

Tina, you mean my sneezing may not be fatal? I've looked it up online under fatal diseases and I'm not sure.
I will look after myself ..nearly sneezed then
As spike Milligan said on his headstone....."I told you I was ill"
Happymarion, some people laugh at anything but it only shows their ignorance

Man goes to chicken farmer says he wants to start farming chickens and buys 1000 chicks.

Man goes back to chicken farmer the next month and buys 500 more.

The man goes to the chicken farmer another month later and buys another 500 chicks at which point the chicken farmer states; "your chicken farm must be coming along well now."

To which the man responds; "Sadly no. I'm not sure what Im doing wrong. Either planting them to deep, upside down or to close together..."