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CharlieN, This really made me laugh! I see you have the same subversive streak as me.
Not sure why, but these stories remind me of when I was teaching naughty classes of adolescents. I would sit at my desk, fiddling with a pencil and thinking,
'Carry on, love, and you will find out how easy it is to insert this pencil in your nose!'
Never actually did it, but threatened it a few times!
I I have a neighbor across the street that blows all his grass clippings in the middle of the street and creates such a mess .there is nothing that can be done about it . How rude is that,I think next week when he cuts his grass I have to blow it back to his curb.
Sounds like a good idea, DK.
Today's little rant, then: the word "climber" as a plant description. It's a bit like "tree," isn't it? Oak, birch, weeping willow and fir are rather different shapes but they're all "trees." I've got honeysuckle, which is a "climber" in the sense that it twines around anything up to a couple of inches wide. I've got chocolate vine, which is a "climber" in the sense that it twines around anything up to a couple of inches wide. I've got jasmine, which I thought was mis-labelled as a "climber" when it should have been labelled "thing one can weave into a trellis" until I saw it twining around itself. It turns out jasmine only climbs strings and wires, not trellises. I've also got hydrangea, which climbs in the very different sense of growing like a bush but putting out little clusters of grabby roots, ivy-style, when it hits something, and an old Virginia creeper on the wall that climbs entirely by clinging to the wall that way and I've got "climbing" roses that seem to be a lot like wild roses of the "sprawling heap" type, but they're all "climbers." Last weekend I went to Homebase and they had a new Wisteria called Amethyst Falls that looks gorgeous and is labelled as ...
... a climber.
What KIND of climber? The BBC says it's a "deciduous climber." Crocus says it's "ideal for training against a sunny house wall." BlueBell Nursery finally give me something more specific: "Habit: Wisteria floribunda 'Macrobotrys' grows to be a large climbing plant which requires support as it will not self-cling."
Maybe I need to ask an Army gardener, if such a thing exists. "Thing wot goes be'ind wires." "Thing wot climbs wooden frames." "Thing wot climbs wires." "Stonkin' HUGE thing that eats trees." "Plasticky-lookin' stuff that spreads up everythin' like mould."
CN, you naughty boy, you're making me giggle!!
Loving the army gardener description of stuff, at least it's in a language we can all understand. As long as it's not delivered in a RSM's bellow!
I will not 'ave gossip in this jungle!!!!
Charlie, a climber in the Army is an Infantry man, climbing out of foxholes, climbing out of ditches, climbing out of streams and even rivers, climbing out of troop carriers and finally climbing out of kit uniform boots and gaiters dropping into bed in need of support and rest.
Today's rant is Speed Bumps!!! What use are they? what do they actually do apart from break the car springs?, who needs them?I go up the lane for my Paper and it means traversing six speed bumps each way, why? the idiots just speed over them anyway, the safe drivers are already below the speed limit and the cost of a new spring plus labour is £250. that is what it cost me.They are in disrepair so the slope up is like traversing the North face of the Eiger, the downside you disappear into what looks like a tank trap and because there were once grass verges next to them they have become peat bogs because drivers bump up the kerb rather than risk death in the local A&E. The worst offenders are women on the school run with kids being thrown about like bags of washing in the back, the rest of the day we hardly see a vehicle apart from the 60 odd horse drawn vehicles that went along the lane two weeks ago.Our Council have hidden camera's everywhere "err" a thought i better check my bathroom out. they could get the mad heads anytime so why mar the lovely potholed thoroughfare by adding speed bumps or as I call them "ar##" busters.I rest my case.
Totally agree Palaisglde,it seems that once the first speed bump has appeared they breed,until the whole road becomes like some sort of fairground ride.
I also hate thse speed controlling measures (very popular round here) where they send the cars ( in single file so you have to keep giving way ) in a series of "S" bends. Why..........people who are going to speed go straight across them anyway.
I think the speed bumps should be linked to those radar things that display your speed. Ours only light up if they think you're speeding. In Austria they light up if you walk at them: "Ihr Geschwind: 7km/S" (that's kilometres pro Stunde not per second).
I'd link them to SQUARE speed bumps. Have three flat tops flush with the road surface, so everyone can drive over them with no trouble at all, day and night, all year ... but if the radar picks up someone going over ( speed limit + 1d6 ) without a flashing blue light the central wall lifts up four inches and *WHACK* he gets to pay for the price of repainting those yellow zig-zags outside the school that mark the area near the gates where only parents of extraordinarily precious little snowflakes get to park to drop their kids off and pick them back up.
I'm thinking ...
@Palaisglide "Today's rant is Speed Bumps!!! What use are they? what do they actually do apart from break the car springs?, who needs them?"
Does your car still have springs? It must be a vintage then, very valuable!
I do agree with you about these bl**dy things, though!
Don't like speed bumps myself. However, on the other side if the coin is the road where my daughter lives. A cut through for the impatient b's who don't want the inconvenience of traffic lights on the main roads. Type of houses where there are no garages so owners' cars parked in road. Front gardens just a postage stamp so not big enough to park car. Speed bumps have been a godsend for her as she now doesn't worry that the speeding cars, vans and lorries, (which should never be attempting to use the road), are going to end up in her front room, or write off her car. Definitely done the job.
Feel the Council could do more. No doubt would if one of their own lived in the road.
TinaTurner wrote (see)
Couldn't agree more, TT. I live at the junction between an old lane and a busier road, used by some as a rat run from the town centre. There's a low bridge on a bend just down the hill from us. Cars and buses shoot around that bend without being able to see what is coming in the other direction. Parents and children walking to school use narrow pavements. The council have allowed this situation to continue for years. A couple of speed bunps would deter people from using the road as a rat run, in my opinion. The next road up from ours has a number of speed bumps all along it - because a councillor lives there. Yet it isn't as busy as our road. Speed control devices would not be needed if people behaved responsibly - but too often, they don't.
The answer must be to get rid of all speed bumps, chicanes and any other sort of obstacle - then, install a few more cameras ( which incidentally I hate )
........then, most crucially, all the speed cameras should be hidden (not painted bright yellow as at present, so that we all slow down, then speed up when the markings have gone! ). People will quickly learn that unless you stick to the speed limit as clearly shown, then you are very likely to get penalised. The only caveat to this suggestion is that all limits should be reviewed and proper realistic limits are put in place - it could be a painful learning curve for some,but I bet the idiots out there now would soon calm down!
Charlie, you're right that we need more information on plant labels. Acid/alkaline soil, growth habit and how the plant spreads itself - seed, underground runner, offsets, etc - come to mind. The term 'climber' is often misleading, since it suggests that the plant would climb if it were in the wild. As far as I can see, a 'climbing fuschia' is merely a very tall one of narrow habit that need to be supported and looks best against a wall. I agree that we need specific information about the means of support that eaach one uses. It is OK once you have attained a certain level of experience but novice gardeners can waste money on something completely unsuitable and then conclude that gardening is too difficult to bother with or that they are hopeless gardeners.
Sue all front engined cars have coil springs supporting the engine mount axle chassis with oil filled dampers and shock absorbers to iron out the shocks.My contention over speed bumps is the idiots speed over them no matter what so they do not calm the people who cause most of the accidents.The section of lane with no speed bumps but hidden camera's works, the idiots wait until they get to the speed bump area knowing there are no camera's.As too house with garages, every house on this small estate has a long drive and a garage behind the house, I can get five cars on mine yet they still park on the road, driving away the other day I had to weave through cars all standing next to empty drives. Of course it would take a few more seconds to either reverse or drive on and off the drive.I am going to hire a large truck and park it all day to block the road, see what they say then.Charlie, the bulldozer has been done up here, a builder removed one from in front of his drive and won, they moved it a couple of yards when they put it back so it was not across his drive.
A few years ago speed bumps were called sleeping policemen. Why can't we call them this again, then we'd be a bit less miffed when they put them in the road.
My rant it the idiots that drive everywhere at 40mph, doesn't matter where they are, you can pass them no problems in national speed limit area, then when you get to a village and slow down to 30, they catch you up, are all over your back bumper, flashing and gesturing, then when you get to the national speed limit again they're left eating your dust. Why? I mean, fuel is expensive, so even though my car runs on homebrew, I tend just to lift off the loud pedal when I know a village is coming up, and let it coast down to 30, then at the end of the village I'm off like a stabbed rat. Is it too much effort just to move the foot a little?
Oh, I didn't mean applying a bulldozer to the speed bumps. I meant applying a bulldozer to the BMW sitting on the "SCHOOL KEEP CLEAR" markings to pick up The Only Important Child On The Planet.
I don't mind speed bumps done properly, a gentle rise up and descent. What really hacks me off are speed bumps that launch your car skywards at 5mph ground out your exhaust as your front wheels descend into the potholes on the other side. My last car I had to get an additional exhaust bracket made up to raise my exhaust just that bit higher after paying to get the middle box welded after it getting cracked from speed bumps. There is a garage in blackpool which has speed bumps if you go in from the minor road on to the forecourt. It also gets used as a shortcut due to the badly setup traffic lights between the big road and the minor road parallel to it. when traffic comes off the major road there is around 4 car lengths before reaching the traffic lights at the cross roads for the minor cross roads. normally you get a green to enter then immediately get hit by a red so only 4 cars can move at a time through the junction. what then occurs is traffic backs up and up sometimes the main road gets partly blocked by the tail end cars which went across the junction without being able to clear the main road. It is a nightmare and needs redesigning but it has been this way for years.
Love them or hate speed bumps, I hate them, whether they work or not, I think not they are here to stay along with the narrowing the roads to single carriageway and those ridiculous cutting the road to one lane with huge who has priority notices, who thought that one up.As to tail gaters ignore them, I am not even tempted to give them the finger these days, I drive as I wish and conclude every other road user is an idiot let them get on with it, having driven all types of vehicle on four Continents my conclusion is even the Cairo traffic is preferable to those mad women on the school run here, I saw some horrendous driving in the London school run hours so much so I would park up and go for breakfast whilst they proceeded to kill their precious bundles of joy. Anger, time issues, trying to fit too much into your day do not make good drivers just accidents.
Funny how driving brings out one's aggression, not sure why, but cutting a second or two off the journey becomes a priority and anybody in one's way gets a dose of aggression. Not me, of course! (That's a self-righteous smirk, there doesn't seem to be an icon for that.) I think perhaps it is boredom - people do the same journey every day, know every inch of the road and have to do something to alleviate the boredom. Now I'm old and sensible, I think everybody should slow down and drive with care, remembering that the most important people in any area are the residents. Had my share of aggression on the road when I was younger and a lot more stupid.
Love your comments Frank. Having driven into Cairo from the Sinai Desert - an experience everyone should have at least once in their lives - cars, lorries, buses, military vehicles,horses, pedestrians (whole families, mum,dad,and little kids )- all over the roads,absolute bedlam - I would also agree that the Mad Women of the School Run are the daftest of the lot. Most afternoons between 2.30 and 3.30 I'm indoors having a cuppa - let them fight it out on the streets - no wonder they all seem to wear Hi-viz jackets - they b....y need them!