Oh, Frank - as ever, you have the ability to bring a much-needed smile to one's face! As a description of the British weather, it seems to me you're spot on!
It's been OK-ish here in the West Country. A few occasional drops and drips, but mostly breezy and bright. Looks good for the weekend, so fingers crossed on that one!
For the record, my tomatoes in GH are stunted (about 3ft high, couple of trusses per plant - Italian plum variety) but the tried and trusted Gardeners' Delight in troughs outside are performing well. I pick the toms like little sweets, so a reduced amount end up in the kitchen! But the chutney made with them and chillies from the GH is superb (according to neighbour, the recipient of a jar!). Hope to keep cropping for a good few weeks yet. Who knows! Wettest summer for 100 years - and most of it has been here in the West, methinks 